Ep #28: Divorce Lessons from Glennon Doyle | Becoming You Again Podcast
This week is a special episode. I'm teaching you what I learned from Glennon Doyle's book Untamed. After reading Untamed in book club I wanted to share some of the insight's that I gained from Glennon.
Things you'll learn from this episode:
1. The one thing that every woman has that will set her free and how to tap into it.
2. Emotional freedom and learning what your hard emotions are trying to tell you.
3. What it means to be an effective parent in this generation and how you can step into being the parent after divorce that you want to be.
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List to the full episode:
If you want to feel more confident in your ability to get through this divorce with grace, with confidence, and inner knowing, then you need to schedule a free consult with me. I will teach you how to keep the focus on you and what you can control and to let go of everything else with ease. Schedule your free consult by clicking here and let's get you to living an amazing life after divorce.
Featured on this episode:
Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.
Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.
Want to know first hand how Karin can help you with your specific problems and create an even better life than when you were married? Click here to schedule a free consult.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome back to Becoming You Again. I’m your host Karin Nelson. I’m a certified divorce confidence coach and this is the podcast where I teach you how to reconnect with yourself, create emotional resiliency and live a truly independent life, so you can have an even better life than when you were married.
Hello my friends. How are you? I am doing so good. We just went and had a delicious sushi lunch as a family without - minus my daughter. She is actually on an internship in Germany right now and so she actually didn’t get to be here with us but we did get to go with the rest of us and we had sushi at one of our favorite restaurants and it was delicious and I am so full. But I’m also going to sit here and record this podcast for y’all because I love you and I am here for you. This week is another fun treat where I am going to be teaching you some lessons learned from an amazing author because I just vanished reading a book of theirs. And so without further ado this week I will be talking about divorce lessons from Glennon Doyle.
My book club this last month read Untamed by Glennon Doyle and I wanted to share with you, my listeners, some of the things that I have learned from her book. I just want you to know, this is just a few things. There’s so much more that I learned from her book and this is the second time that I’ve read her book and I definitely picked up new things the second time reading it through. So if you haven’t read this book, I would highly recommend that you pick up your own copy. Listen to it on Audible. You figure out how you to listen to it or read it. But it will be worth your time and your while, I promise you that.
So just as a quick summary, Untamed is Glennon’s memoir of the end of her marriage to her husband Craig just as much as it is the love story between her and Abby. Glennon teaches us how to divorce gracefully moving through the anger and moving into forgiveness. She teaches us how to work together with a new partner while making space to be fully yourself all in the process. She teaches to give yourself permission to be step out of the cage that society and rules have put on women and to step into our own knowing that we hold within us. Every single woman holds this within us and in fact every single human I should say, not just women. Every human has their own knowing within them and we just have to know how to tap into it. Untamed is a manual that every women needs in their life to show them how to trust themselves and love themselves fully and then turn that love around and put it out into the world.
So that’s just a very quick summary that I came up with and I want to share with you some of my takeaways from Untamed that I think can help every one of us as we are struggling to get through divorce.
One of the main themes of this book is to learn to ‘know’ yourself as a woman. There is a section called ‘Keys’, where Glennon talks a lot about the process of our own knowing. She says, ‘When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.’ In this section called Keys she is talking about how she and her husband at the time were going through counseling and she had found out that her husband had cheated on her once again. It was something that had happened several times throughout their marriage. She talks about this in the book and she had always turned outward to get her answer on what she should do. She would ask google what should I do if my husband is cheating but he is actually a really great dad. Or she would turn to peer groups or the groups she was in on social media or whatever and she started to notice this pattern that everyone had a different opinion about what she should do when it came to her and Craig and their marriage. She started to recognize that depending on their background, their socialization, their cultural or religious backgrounds or beliefs, they all had differing opinions and it did not really make sense to her that if there was a correct way or a right or wrong way or something she should be doing or shouldn’t be doing, then why would everyone have very subjective views and opinions about it? Because if there was a right way then it would all be the same. Right? We would all agree that this was the exact way that you should do this. You should do this if your husband cheats on you. So it was in that realization that she came to and this conclusion of there is no right or wrong. There is no good or bad. There is no should or shouldn’t in situations like this. And really in reality in most situations. All that there was was what someone else had decided was right or wrong, was good or bad, you should do or shouldn’t do. And that if she wanted to know what her, Glennon, should do in this situation she was going to have to know for herself. From inside her. From her soul what was going to be the right decision for her. That’s when she learned to be still and know and listen to herself and really get in touch with what would be the right thing for her in her life.
She talks about how we as humans all have this knowing inside of us and what we need to do is we need to get still in order to access it. She says, ‘If you just stop doing, you’ll start knowing.” I think the whole idea of knowing from your own soul is genius because I believe it is 100% true. Glennon explains how to do this in such an easy way. She talks about all throughout the entire book. But for me personally when I was going through my divorce I experienced this knowing for probably the first time in my life and it really did change my life. It continues to change my life to this day because I will continue to go back to this place of knowing so that I can make my decisions right for me instead of looking outside of me on trying to decide how to live my life and how to make my life amazing or great or what I should do in these certain situations. Right. This knowing that I had, this experience I had when I was going through my divorce it was a beautiful experience.
So my husband and I at the time had been going back and forth about whether we should or shouldn’t get divorced. We were fighting and arguing more than we ever had, and yet neither of us really could come to a decision on what we wanted to do or how we should move forward or if we could move forward together or get divorced or whatever the situation was, we just hadn’t decided. It was like we had 1 foot in the door and 1 foot out the door but both of us were kind of in the same position. And so one day I was on a walk and I asked myself, ‘Karin, what do you really want?’ I knew that to get to the most honest answer I was going to have to at least for a moment let go of the all of the outside influence. I had to let go of the idea of what were people going to think of me. Like I had to stop thinking about what my parents would think or what Eric with the were well made kids would think or what my church leaders would think or what would my neighbors think. Right. I had to let go of all of that and really be honest with what it was that I wanted. I had never allowed myself to answer the question in that way. On my walk that summer morning, I answered that question honestly from my knowing and the answer was that I wanted a divorce. I knew that my marriage was complete and it was time to move onto the next chapter. And did not moment I felt immediate peace. It washed over me which I didn’t know it at the time but one thing that has really been helpful when it comes to mindset work is this knowing that our thoughts create our feelings and many times you can make decisions based off of how those thoughts make you feel. And by feeling that peace in the moment I knew that getting a divorce was the right decision for me.
So Glennon talks about this in the book and I want to mention it as well. Because