Shae Wants To Know How To Trust Her New Partner.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Shae wants to be able to trust her new partner implicitly, knowing that he will never hurt her or cheat on her.
Listen in as I talk about what I believe trust really is and how she can use this knowledge to support and enhance her new relationship moving forward.
List to the full episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Shae asks, “How do I get to the point in a new relationship where I trust my partner enough to know that he won’t cheat on me or hurt me in that way? I know I would never do that to my partner but I want to be able to trust him in that way too.”
Thanks for your question Shae. Trust is a fascinating thing and I am going to be doing a longer podcast episode about this in the upcoming weeks where I go into more depth about what I am going to be telling you as I answer your question. Basically, we are taught that trust is something that we build with someone else, and it is proven through actions. But trust in my opinion is more about our own thoughts and our own feelings. When we think something like “I trust him” then that creates a feeling of safety or security, which is what the underlying theme of trust is, right? I feel safe around you that you are not going to hurt me or cause me emotional pain. But what’s really interesting about this is when we say, I want to trust this person implicitly, we are giving all responsibility over to someone else to decide how we are going to feel in situations. It’s kind of like saying, I’m trusting you to not creating any feelings that I don’t want to have and only create feelings that I do want to have. But ultimately you are the one creating your thoughts and your feelings – not the other person or their actions.
So again, look for the upcoming episode where I go into more detail about this. This is not meaning that people should walk all over you and you should let people mistreat you in any way and I will talk about that more in the podcast but for this question specifically, when you go into a new relationship I would definitely have a conversation about what is appropriate that you both believe. Right? What you’ll tolerate, what is okay, what is not okay, what is a deal breaker for you and a dealbreaker for him. There is nothing wrong with making requests, being on the same page or having a level of understanding when it comes to the role of your partnership and how you are expecting them to show up and act and vice versa for you as well. And then you can decide you trust them and if their actions begin to offer you more facts about the kind of person they are that is not in line with what you were thinking, that’s when you can decide where to go from there.
But the real work for you to do when it comes to trust is to learn to trust yourself. Learn to trust that no matter what this person does, what they would say, what they do you are going to take care of yourself and create that safety and security that you need when you need it.
All right Shae, thanks so much for your question. I think that will be really helpful for a lot of people. I will talk to you next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.
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