Ep 220: The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: A Simple Path to Post-Divorce Nervous System Regulation

Struggling to feel grounded after your divorce? The path forward begins with something surprisingly simple: being present.

When we're caught in the cycle of regret about the past or anxiety about the future, genuine healing remains out of reach. In this episode I’ll share a powerful yet straightforward technique that can transform how you navigate post-divorce emotions. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise engages all five senses to anchor you firmly in the present moment—the only place where true healing occurs.

What makes this approach so valuable is its simplicity and accessibility. You can practice it anywhere: during a stressful meeting, while managing chaotic family moments, or when those painful divorce memories resurface unexpectedly. By doing this practice you're actively realigning your nervous system and creating space for healing.

This episode goes beyond just teaching a technique—it reframes how we understand emotional regulation after divorce. The goal isn't to achieve perfect calm at all times but to develop greater capacity to navigate life's challenges without being controlled by habitual fight-flight-freeze responses. When we can ground ourselves in the present, we gain the ability to make conscious choices about who we want to be and how we want to show up in our post-divorce lives.

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Grief and trauma are the two biggest struggles women deal with as they go through their divorce. It's highly likely that you are experiencing both and don't even realize what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to grieve your marriage (even if it was shitty) and it's normal to be experiencing some kind of trauma (which is essentially a disconnection from yourself - your mind, body and soul). I can help guide you through the grief in all of the forms it shows up so you can heal. I can also teach you how to ground yourself in healing so you can ease through the trauma. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.

Featured on this episode:

1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

3. Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to schedule a consult to find out more about working 1:1 with Karin as your coach.

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Full Episode Transcript:

This is Becoming you Again, the podcast helping you heal from your divorce and deal with the mental and emotional challenges you face so you can get on living the best of the rest of your life. I'm your host, karin Nelson, and you are listening to episode number 220. Welcome to Becoming you Again, the podcast where you learn to step into your power as a woman in this world, where you learn to reconnect to your wholeness, your integrity, and bring into alignment your brain, your integrity and bring into alignment your brain, your body and your intuition after divorce. This is the podcast where you learn to trust yourself again and move forward toward a life that you truly want. You are listening to Becoming you Again, and I am your host, karin Nelson. Welcome back to the podcast. My lovely, lovely ladies, I am, as always, so happy that you're here. I hope everything is going well for you.

We are in full swing of the summer. Maybe some of you still have kids that haven't gotten out of school yet, but it's coming right, we are very close, so do what you need to do to support yourself. As you know, you're most likely going to be having kids home for the summer and if your kids are already out of the house even better. Do what you need to do to support yourself and make this summer incredible. Today I will be giving you a supportive tool. Think of it as a somatic practice or a grounding exercise, however you want to differentiate. Remember, somatic just means body and this definitely encompasses your entire body when you're going to do it. So it could be a somatic practice, but it also can be a really grounding exercise. Both are very supportive to reconnecting us to the present.

And remember the present moment is the only place that actual healing occurs. Because if we're stuck in the future and ruminating about what might happen and worrying about what could happen and all of that uncertainty, there's no healing going on because we're just completely consumed by our thoughts and what might happen. And if we're stuck in the past, worrying about what we did wrong or what we should have done or what we should have said or what we wish would have happened, or we're angry or blaming all the things that happened in the past, there's no healing going on there because, guess what? We can't change the past. So when we want to step into healing, we have to bring it to the present moment, and the best way to get present with ourselves is to orient to ground, to use a somatic practice, to really be in the moment and feel whatever it is that we're feeling and realign our nervous system, not because we need to feel calm at all moments and that's the only way we can heal. No, the reason we want to learn to regulate our nervous system and realign our nervous system, getting it out of that fight, flight or freeze mode, is because when we do that, we create greater capacity to live our life, with our nervous system fluctuating as it normally will and being able to help ourselves through those moments. We create capacity to support and heal ourselves in everyday moments, which is incredible. We all want to be able to do that. We all don't want to be letting our habitual fight, flight and freeze make our decisions and show up for us in moments. We want to be supported and have the capacity to support ourselves through those moments in ways that are helping us and serving us, rather than habitually yelling at someone because we can't control the habitual fight, flight or freeze reaction that happens or whatever it happens to be right. That's why I teach you guys these somatic practices. That's why I teach you guys the grounding exercises, so that you can start to implement them more often in your life, creating greater capacity to show up as the person that you want to be, rather than the person that you've been all of these years, because you can't control anything that just happens on the fly when we're caught in the moment of emotional response.

All right, so this one's a really good one. It's really easy and I say this about a lot of them, but this one is super true. You can do this at any time. You can do it by yourself. You can do it when you're driving in the car. You can do it in your office at work. You can do it when your kids are yelling in the background and you're like I need a moment. You can do it at any time, okay, because it's just for you and really paying attention to what's happening in your body. This is meant to regulate your nervous system response. It's going to help you feel better faster, which is always a great thing, especially if you are feeling triggered or set off or anything like that. This is called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. You may have heard of it. It's pretty common. A lot of therapists use this, a lot of counselors use this. A lot of people use this because it's really, really effective.

Okay, so what you're going to do is you're just going to, like, focus on your senses, right, you are going to name five things that you can see around you in the present moment, right now. You're just going to name them. You can say them out loud, if that feels comfortable for you. You can say them in your head and just notice them, five things that you can see. Then you're going to name four things that you can touch right now, in the present moment. Think them in your head, say them out loud, whatever works for you. Then you're going to name three things that you can hear in the present moment. You're going to say them in your head or you're going to say them out loud Again, whatever works for you. Then you're going to name two things that you can smell in the present moment. This one might you might have to, like, really pay attention for this one, two things, and then you're going to name one thing that you can taste. That's it. That's all we're doing is we're just focusing on our five senses and really getting present with that, because by centering yourself in this way, through your five senses, you are bringing yourself and your body and your brain to the here and now and what happens in the here and now. That's right. Healing. Let's get you there.

All right, my friends, go practice this, try it out, see how it works. I'd love to hear from you. Come, follow me on Tik TOK or Instagram at Karin Nelson coaching. Can't wait to hear from you and see how everything's going. I will talk to you next week. Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here and thanks for listening. I wanted to let you know that if you're wanting more, a way to make deeper, more lasting change, then working one-on-one with me as your coach may be exactly what you need. Together, we'll take everything you're learning in the podcast and implement it in your life, with weekly coaching, real-life practice and practical guidance. To learn more about how to work with me one-on-one, go to karinnelsoncoachingcom. That's wwwkarinnelsoncoachingcom. Thanks for listening. If this podcast agreed with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts and for more details about how I can help you live an even better life than when you were married. Make sure and check out the full show notes by clicking the link in the description.