Ep #66: Finding Forgiveness After Divorce | Becoming You Again Podcast
Forgiveness is something that can have a lot of emotional attachment to it. Some people believe that they have to forgive or should forgive because of religious or cultural backgrounds, but struggle to find forgiveness from that kind of guilty pressure.
Others believe that if you forgive someone it means that you're condoning or redeeming the hurt or abuse that was done to you. No forgiveness is necessary when the person on the other end isn't deserving of it.
In this episode I'm talking about forgiveness from all angles. I'll show you how forgiveness is 100% up to you and is a way for you to step into the authority over your own life by choosing one way or the other. I'll also teach you, if you choose to forgive, the four steps to follow to find forgiveness for yourself after divorce.
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Are you a woman going through divorce? Do you feel like you lost yourself during your marriage and don’t know how to find your again? Do you feel like you’re trapped on an emotional rollercoaster? Do you wish that you had the skills to live a happy, independent life as a divorced woman? If this sounds like you, then you need to work with Karin Nelson as your divorce coach. She will teach you how to love yourself again, how to process through any hard emotion so you can stop feeling emotionally overwhelmed and out of control, and how to live the life you always wanted while you were married. Apply to work one on one with Karin Nelson today by clicking here. Spots are limited and are going fast.
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Full Episode Transcript:
I’m your host, Karin Nelson and you’re listening to Becoming You Again, episode number 66.
Welcome to becoming You Again. The podcast to help you with your mental and emotional wellbeing during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so you can live an even better life than when you were married. I’m you’re host Karin Nelson.
Hello my lovelies. How is everyone doing of late? I’ve been having a truly amazing week. I had some really great coaching sessions with my clients. I have felt very connected to my kids and my job. And this week I had a consult with a woman who does a trauma informed certification program that I’m very interested in. We talked about it and I’ve decided that I’m going to go after this certification and I’m just so excited to be able to take this training and really begin to implement the things that I’m learning and become a trauma informed coach so that I can help all of you women really understand the trauma that you’re feeling and move through it and heal from it in many more ways than I have been able to offer you up till now and that is such an exciting thing for me so I’m very excited as we move froward with this podcast and with my coaching and with my program that is coming out that I’m going to be able to have this background that is going to be able to help change your lives in such an amazing way.
Now on to today’s topic which is finding forgiveness after divorce. And I titled this after divorce but in all reality you don’t have to wait until the divorce is actually signed and officially over to find forgiveness. So I just want you to know it’s not like a time thing where if I just wait this appropriate amount of time then I can choose to forgive or that it has to be once my divorce is done or after it’s been two years or five years or ten years, then I can forgive. Because forgiveness is a thought and it is something that happens internally and I am going to talk about that more in a minute but it’s something that you choose to do or not do and I wanted to preface this idea for you so you understand there is no time requirement that is necessary before you choose to forgive. You can do it while you are separated. You can do it during the divorce, you can do it after the divorce, you can do it 10 years after the divorce, you can do it on your deathbed. It’s completely up to you.
Now you might be asking why is she even talking about forgiveness? What my ex did to me is literally unforgivable so why would I ever even consider doing this. And this is a valid question because I think most of the time you’re right. The reality is there are many people who do some really shitty things. Many of you, I know many of my listeners have experienced terrible harm, terrible abuse whether it be physical, emotional, financial, sexual or another form. I know you’ve been lied to, I know you’ve been manipulated, and cheated on, stolen from or worse, right, at the hand of the person who was supposed to be their closest ally. And the reality is that these people can’t be trusted. And many times they aren’t sorry for their actions and the harm that they’ve caused us. And often as the parenting relationship with your ex and with these people who in the past have harmed you in some way it’s probably going to be necessary for you to continue to set boundaries with these people. And so the question really comes up, why would I choose forgiveness after all of this has happened to me?
And the answer to that I think is twofold. First, I want you to know that you don’t have to choose forgiveness. You truly do not. Not ever, if you don’t want. I’m not here to tell you that you should forgive or that you need to forgive or that you should be the bigger person in this relationship. My job as a coach is not to tell you how to live your life and what decisions you must make. The only thing that I can help you do is reclaim your authority over your own life and show you that it is always your decision to know what is going to be best for you. What is going to be best for your life. So just know that the first answer to this question is why would I ever choose forgiveness is that you do not ever have to choose forgiveness. You do not ever have to forgive someone if you don’t want to. It is not a requirement of living or going with the rest of your life.
And the second part is, choosing forgiveness is 100% for your benefit and it is in no way to give redemption to someone else or to justify their actions and behaviors. The choice to forgive may be so that you can feel peace for yourself. And if that is what I’m going to offer to you today in this podcast. But again that decision is 100% up to you and you do what feels best and right for you. Because if you are seeking some kind of peace after your divorce I’m going to teach you what you can do to find forgiveness and create that peaceful feeling for yourself in your own life.
Forgiveness, again like I said at the beginning, it is not something that you do. It’s in my opinion it’s not an outward action that takes place. It’s something that you don’t even need to say out loud to someone else (unless you want to). The other person in this situation doesn’t ever have to know that you forgive them. Because forgiveness is compl