This week's problem comes from Tina.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Tina is feeling judged and criticized about her parenting choices and needs help figuring out how to handle the criticism, and how to know if she's making the right decisions for her and her daughter.
Listen in as I offer Tina some advice on handling the criticism of others about her parenting choices, and how to trust herself to be the mom she wants to be moving forward.
Being a single parent after divorce can be challenging. There will always be people who judge your choices and criticize you along the way. I can help you decide the kind of parent you want to be after divorce and handle all the criticism that comes at you along the way. Set up your free consult with me and I'll walk you through how we will make it happen together. Click here to schedule.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Hi welcome back to Friday Flip. Today’s question comes from Tina. I’ve been dating a guy for a while now. I have my 10-year-old daughter most nights and I work most nights so there are only a handful of nights that I’m even available to go out with my boyfriend when I don’t have my daughter. I decided to go on a date and get a sitter for my daughter and the next day I got a lot of criticism telling me that I was a bad mom for doing this. Am I wrong for getting a sitter and going out on a night that my daughter is with me?
Tina, thank you so much for this question. You get to decide what your parenting time looks like when your daughter is with you. Other people can and other people will have their opinions about it. Whatever they’re thinking about you they’re probably a little bit right and a little bit wrong. My guess is the reason that you are feeling conflicted by their comments is because you agree with them, even just a little bit. And that’s okay.
When we get defense about something it’s because in our heads there’s a tiny part that believes that maybe what they’re saying is right, even if that part is only like 1%. But you still get to decide what is right for you as a parent. They might be thinking that you’re a bad mom but check in with yourself and find out what you really think. Are you a bad mom? Find out what really comes up when you ask yourself that question. If the answer is no, then you can work on recognizing that their opinions about you are wrong and it’s okay for people to be wrong about you.
And if the answer is yes, then I want you to take it a little bit deeper and find out what it means to YOU to be a good mom. You get to define what that means for yourself based on your values. Not what other’s people’s values are or not what other people might be thinking but what you think and what your values are and use that as your guide to give yourself the definition. And when you do this work you might surprise yourself by realizing that your definition of a good mom probably includes a mom who allows herself time to go after her desires, and her needs and her wants and is that kind of example to her daughter so that she knows those things are valid and worthy as she grows. Now I don’t know if that is going to be your definition. That is definitely part of my definition of what a good mom is but you will have to come up with that on your own.
Great question Tina. Thank you so much for your question. I will talk to you next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.
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