Sharon is done feeling lonely all the time and wants help.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Sharon is lonely now that the divorce is final and wants to know how to stop feeling the heaviness of being lonely all the time.
Listen in as I give Sharon some tips that can help with the loneliness that can help with the intensity and heaviness of it.
List to the full episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Sharon says, “I am so lonely. My kids are grown and out of the house and the divorce is now official after two years. How do I get over being lonely all the time?”
Thanks for this question Sharon. Loneliness can feel very heavy and daunting so something that might be useful is to just kind of acknowledge that this may be a season of your life or a time in your life where loneliness is more prominent. But the thing to remember is seasons are always changing. If this is useful to you to kind of acknowledge the loneliness in this way and to think about it knowing that it’s not going to be like this forever it might help lessen the intensity of the loneliness. Try that out and see how that works.
Loneliness is an interesting concept because it can vacillate between being how we think about ourselves. It can be a feeling in our body and it can be a state of being. How you identify yourself and loneliness may be the exact thing to help lessen the intensity of the loneliness when you notice it. So let me explain. A statement like, I am lonely is different than I feel lonely. Even though there’s only that a one word difference, the am and the feel. When you say I am it’s telling your body and your body that loneliness is who you are – it’s part of your identity. And that feels very heavy. That feels hard to change. That feels very daunting and scary even. Right.
And then the word feel tells your body and brain that you are feeling an emotion inside your body. Feelings bring up curiosity and feelings can be processed. Feelings wax and wane. They come and go. They are not always present.
When you are open to allowing our feelings they can move through us like a river flowing. But when you make that identity statement it’s like you’re putting a dam on your feelings and stopping the flow because you’re making the loneliness mean that there’s something wrong with you or there is something about you that needs to change.
Try out changing how you refer to yourself and loneliness by switching out the word am for feel and see if that helps lessens the intensity at all. I wouldn’t say that I think it’s possible for you to completely distance yourself from loneliness in the end because you’re human and humans are meant to feel emotions. But I do think it’s possible for you to think about it in a different way that doesn’t feel as heavy or as hard or as scary and you can learn to process through your emotions and handle them in a different way than you have been up until now. I have a podcast about this. It’s called Processing Emotions. I can’t remember exactly the number but it’s kind of toward the beginning. And you can go listen to that podcast on processing emotions to learn how to be open to allowing the emotion to flow through you when it presents itself.
Alright Sharon, thanks so much for your question. I hope that helps and I think that will be helpful for a lot of people. I will be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.