Ep #79 | Friday Flip: I Want Closure
This week I'm Answering Tina's Question
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Tina wants answers about why her husband ended the marriage. She wants closure but he is unwilling to give it to her. Listen in as I guide Tina through a better understanding of what closure is and how we can find our way to closure without needing answers from anyone else.
Creating healing for ourselves and learning to let go of needing our ex to give us something or say something so that we can move on is possible. It comes in creating a safe space for yourself in your head and in your body as you learn to love and accept all of you, and as you open yourself up to feeling and moving through your emotions. Let me be your guide as you move through this journey. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hi. Welcome back to Friday Flip. Tina asks, “I’m so confused about why my divorce happened. All I really want is to know why so that I can have some closure, but he won’t even talk to me about it. What can I do?”
Thanks for your question Tina. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do that will possibly or maybe compel him to give you the answer of why. He may not want to tell you. He may have had a different vision of what he wanted his life to look like. He may not have been able or be willing to deal with his own mental and emotional blocks. He might not even be aware of the real reason why he decided to end the marriage. But the reality is that none of that truly even matters in the end for you to have closure.
Closure isn’t something that you feel. It’s not an emotion that is felt inside your body like happy or sad. Closure is – it’s like this idea. It’s a thought. It’s the belief that something for you has been resolved. You don’t need to know why to have closure or to feel this is resolved for yourself. You think that you. You believe that you need him to say something or to give something to you in some way so that you can believe closure has happened. But what really needs to happen is you need to create that within your own head. Beliefs are just thoughts that we’ve thought over and over again. So you can create that for yourself.
So my suggestion is to ask yourself this. Think about what you will feel if he gave you a reason why. Do you think you’ll feel relieved? Do you think you’ll feel vindicated? Do you think you’ll feel peaceful? Do you think you’ll feel angry? What is it that you think you will feel if he tells you his reasoning? Because that’s really what we’re searching for, is to create whatever feeling we think we’ll have when we know the reason why and then we’ll make some kind of meaning about it that’s going to create that feeling inside your body. That’s what you’re really seeking. So what is the feeling that you are wanting to feel by having an answer to why? Once you know what that feeling is you can decide how you want to think about this as being resolved. This puts you back in control of your own life and lets you stop waiting around for someone else to do something so you can feel better. The power is truly within you. You don’t have to wait for him to give you something for you to believe that closure has happened.
Alright thanks for your question Tina. I’ll be back next week.