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Ep #105: Learning To Self Regulate | Becoming You Again Podcast

We've all felt triggered by something during our divorce that alarms our nervous system and pushes us into a flight, fight or freeze mode. We may know what the trigger is or it may be deeper than something we are aware of, but in either case, we know that something feels off inside. We feel off-line, out of sync with ourself.

Learning to self regulate is when you are able to manage yourself, your behavior and your reactions to an emotional response/trigger that you might be having to help you sync back up to you.

I'll teach you three methods of self regulation to relax your central nervous system and bring it back online so you can continue living your life in the way that feel right and authentic to you.

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List to the full episode:

If you're going through a divorce or are divorced, odds are you've gone through something traumatic. It may show up in how you're constantly second guessing yourself. It may show up in how you feel triggered by even the smallest things. It may show up in never feeling secure in your emotions, always feeling like they are out of control. It may show up in your ability to believe that you're worthy, lovable or capable of living a life on your own. If any of these are resonant with you, then I invite you to schedule your free consult with me and we'll talk about what may be helpful to you to get you through the trauma and begin to heal. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.

Featured on this episode:

  1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

  2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

  3. Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to apply to work 1:1 with Karin as your coach.

  4. Haven't left a review yet? No problem. Click here to leave one.

Full Episode Transcript:

I’m Karin Nelson and you’re listening to Becoming You Again episode number 105.

Welcome to becoming You Again. The podcast to help you with your mental and emotional wellbeing during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so your life will be even better than when you were married. I’m your host Karin Nelson.

Welcome back to the podcast my friends. I am so happy to be here. I love talking to you all. I have had an amazing week besides the weather. Can we just talk about the weather in Utah in the spring. It is very disturbing and not my favorite thing. Right now we have so much snow, a ridiculous amount of snow. We literally got like 2 feet, I am not joking when I say 2 feet of snow the other day. We are almost to April here okay. And I am tired of it. I just got back from Vegas like the day before. My daughter and I have gone down to the Taylor Swift concert and the weather was so beautiful. It was not too hot like sometimes Vegas can be, like if you were there in the summertime it can be very, very hot. It was perfect. It was like I can still wear my sweatshirt and take it off if I want if I am a little too overheated but it gets a little chilly, like it was maybe 60. It was beautiful. Sunny every single day. Blue skies and then in comparison as we like to do, we like to compare our lives to things, right, it is what we do with humans. But in comparison to Utah weather this winter has been a very dramatic winter shall we say. We have had lots of snow compared to the last meeting 10 years. So much snow. Lots of overcast. This is not necessarily my favorite pain especially in the spring when I really just want to start to get warm outside. So that is my rant. Okay I got back from some beautiful weather and came back to snow. A day of clear skies, more snow, more snow, more snow. It is just nonstop. Nonstop snowing. What is it like for you live? Maybe someday I will choose to live somewhere where it does not snow all the time.

I have a friend coach. She is American and she is living abroad with her family. They have lived there for about five years and they live on the French Riviera and every time we coach every week and we talk and we see each other through zoom I am just like, oh, beautiful weather, warm. It is so amazing. So maybe one day I will get up the courage, like my friend, and moved somewhere where they have more weather that I really want to be around because I do not know if snow is it. You know? I do not think that snow is it.

All right that was a huge tangent but I was 100% not planning on going on but there you go. Sometimes when you listen to this podcast you get my tangents and I could apologize for it except then I would be apologizing for me and I do not want to do that and I do not want you to ever have to apologize for who you are either with you really, really hurt someone and then maybe it is appropriate to apologize. You get to decide in that case. Right I am not you. I do not know. I don’t think that needs to be apologized for. It is just who I am. I like to go on tangents. But let us get back to the topic of today which is learning to self regulate.

I think this is a really important topic because my whole thing as a coach is teaching you how to understand and create a better relationship with yourself and with your body and with who you are and with your intuition and your soul and all of that. I want to reconnect you to you and part of that journey is reconnecting yourself to what you are feeling inside of your body. So much of what we feel inside of her body is our emotions right. Our emotions are inside of us. They create sensations and movement and different feelings that are happening inside. And that also comes about when our central nervous system is out of regulation, is dis-regulated. When we are triggered by things. When we can learn to self regulate we gain so much control over our own selves. We reconnect with ourselves in a profound way that is often the missing link to being able to realize and creates amazing things in your life. Realize and makes decisions from a place of knowing, from a place of trust. It is such a beautiful thing. So I think that learning to self regulate can really be a game changer for so many of you. Myself included. This is something that I am continuing to work on as well.

And, again this is one of those things where it is not really a destination. It is not like okay I have learned to self regulate and now I am perfect at it and now I do every time and once I feel a negative emotion I immediately hand regulate myself out of it and get back into alignment or once I feel triggered and my nervous system goes into fight or flight I am immediately able to regulate myself again. No. Okay let us be real here. That is not what I am talking about. I do not think that is a real thing, that you could actually just get to this place for you are not really human anymore. When you just do not feel emotions and you do not get triggered in your body is always in alignment and always regulated. I just don’t think it is real. So I do not want to give you that perception and have you going into this thinking that I am going to learn to self regulate and then my life is going to be a breeze all the time. No. It is not. Right? We are still going to have emotions. We are still going to be human. We are still going to get triggered by things. We are still going to feel things that don’t feel very good. We are still going to feel out of sync with ourselves and that is okay.

But self-regulation is, when you can learn how to do it, you can manage those moments a little bit better. You can treat yourself with more kindness in those moments when you feel out of sync. So let me tell you what self-regulation is because maybe you are like I don’t even know, what is she even talking about. Like self-regulation, okay, maybe it is just like a woke word or something. Like what even is that?

Alright so self regulation is when you are able to manage yourself, your behavior and your reactions to an emotional response that you might be having. So it is kind of like you are living your life and then something happens like a situation happens that is out of your control and for whatever reason, maybe you know why and maybe you do not know why, you have a strong emotional response. It could be your nervous system response. It could just be an emotion that you are feeling that you are trying to work through and it kind of throws you off line. Basically like you are out of sync with yourself. Right? Your mind, body, soul experience, you are out of sync with those things. And so when you learn to self regulate instead of overreacting or reacting or behaving in a way that you kind of do not want to, you learn to self regulate or manage your emotional response by bringing yourself back online. Buy call meaning your nervous system