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Ep #76: Letting Go Of The Past | Becoming You Again Podcast

Reliving our past, trying to come up with all of the ways and possible outcomes that we should have done differently is a painful experience. When we go through a challenge like a divorce where we wish that things were different, it's natural for us to look at the past and try to pinpoint those moments where we should have acted differently - and if we had, then maybe all of this pain and suffering could have been avoided.

Listen in as I walk you through my own past experience that was challenging for me to let go of, where I was holding a lot of blame for myself and wishing that I had done everything different so a different outcome could have happened. I'll teach you the steps to being able to let go of your past story, the way I was able to let go of mine, and move into the process of leaving your past where it belongs so that you can finally stop spinning in it, stop living in suffering and move forward in your life.

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List to the full episode:

There have been many times in my life when I've been stuck in the past, wishing that I would have just done something different, showed up in some way, made a different choice so that things would be different in my life. Every time I do this, I create so much pain and suffering for myself and I become completely consumed by my thoughts. I have learned how to successfully let go of my past story and stop creating so much suffering and spinning for myself and I can teach you how to do this too. Let's talk about how to make that happen for you. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.

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Full Episode Transcript:

I’m your host, Karin Nelson and you’re listening to Becoming You Again, episode number 76.

Welcome to becoming You Again. The podcast to help you with your mental and emotional wellbeing during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so your life will be even better than when you were married. I’m your host Karin Nelson.

Hello. Welcome back. I hope you all had a very nice Thanksgiving if you are here in America. Our Thanksgiving was actually really nice. We had all of the kids this year and it was really fun. It was great to have everybody here. We did all of the normal things that you do on Thanksgiving, right. You make the turkey. We like to make these delicious stuffed mushrooms and a homemade cheese ball that the recipe has been in my family for years that we love it and we made that and all the other traditional things. You know. So all of the other previous thanksgivings when I have made the turkey I have wanted it to be delicious and really yummy, like a really delicious turkey, mostly that is moist. And I have read all of these things that you should brine your turkey, a different kind of brine. I think I have tried many different kinds over the years and this year I was like I am not brining it. I do not want to. It is a lot of time. I do not have the time. I do not want to put any thought into cooking turkey other than I am just going to – it is going to thaw and I am going to get it out that morning and put in the turkey roaster and it is fine. So I did not brine it. I got it out. I looked online and found a very quick, easy rub that I can put on the turkey after I coated it in butter. Right. And it was all the spices and herbs that I already had in my kitchen so I just mixed this rub together put it on top of the turkey, put the turkey in the roaster and cooked it and I am not kidding you this is literally the best turkey I have ever made. It was the most moist, the most delicious turkey we have ever had. So I have just decided that I am not ever brining a turkey ever again. How was your day? I would love to hear. Come and send me a DM on Instagram @karinnelsoncoaching. Let’s talk. Tell me how your day went. I would love to hear.

Alright onto today’s topic which is letting go of the past. When we are struggling with something that has happened in our past and we can’t seem to let go of it or move on from it, it’s usually because we believe that this thing shouldn’t have happened. Or we tell ourselves some kind of story like I should have known better. Or I should have left sooner. I should have done something different to prevent this. It usually involves this word “should”. Right. This word, should, can be such a poisonous word when we use it against ourselves and others as well. Like they should be different. They shouldn’t have done that. They should act differently. But it’s the belief in this word that is keeping us stuck in replaying our past and not being able to move on with our life. And I am going to point out all of the ways this shows up in today’s episode and I am going to use an example from my own life. And this example does not have anything to do with divorce although I know this is a divorce podcast. I know why you are all here but I want you to see it from a different story so that you can see that this is showing up in our lives in so many different ways but then I want you to take the things that I am teaching you as we go through this episode and use it on any past story that you are struggling moving on with. It can be your divorce. It might be something else. You can use it on any story about your past that you just cannot let go of. That you feel like is keeping you stuck. Okay.

So a few years ago, I had been asked to speak at a single women’s retreat that was at Sundance. Sundance is in Utah. You have probably heard at the Sundance film Festival. That is actually in Park City but Sundance is a resort in Utah in one of the canyons in Utah. It is a beautiful place. They have a ski resort in the winter that you can go to and there is lots of cabins and restaurants and in the summer you can go up there and go hiking and biking and it is just a really beautiful place. So I was invited. This was February in Utah. I was invited to go speak at this women’s retreat and I was speaking at like 10 am. So I left my house that morning. I live about an hour, between an hour and hour a half away from Sundance and again Susan February so it is winter here in Utah. And it had started raining when I left that morning. And if you know anything about Utah we have mountains and the higher you get the colder it gets and rain, if it is raining down in the valley it usually means it is going to be snowing in the mountains. So I start driving. I get to Provo and I am driving up Provo canyon, which is where Sundance is located. And the roads are kind of slick. So I am slowing down. It is snowing hard. But it is still kind of scary. Have you ever driven snow? It is not the most fun thing. Right. It’s nobody’s favorite things drive in snow, let us just say that. So I go around a curve and my car spins out and I did a complete 360 on the road, slide over to the side of the road and hit the guard rail. Thankfully there was a guard rail there, otherwise I would have just gone right off into the Provo River which would have been absolutely terrifying. It was already terrifying as it was, the spin and hitting the guard rail. Thankfully I was okay. I wasn’t hurt. I had had my seatbelt on. There were no other cars around me at the moment thankfully because it could have been really bad, right. But the only thing that got damaged was my car which sucked, of course. That sucks but also my emotions. I was pretty sad. I was scared. I did not know what to do. I had never been in an accident like that before. I called my sister-in-law who lives very close to Provo Canyon and she came and sat with me while we waited for Tim to come and we waited for the tow truck to come. My car was totaled. I canceled my speaking at the retreat which I felt very bad about but also I was just in a car accident. My car was totaled. It was fine. She was fine with it. Everything was fine. It turned out okay. And for about a week or two after the accident happened and until, literally until I got coat by my own coach, I was spinning in this story in the past. I was spinning in all of the things that I should have done different. I was spinning in I shouldn’t have totaled the car. This shouldn’t have happened. It should have happened differently. I should have left earlier. I should have gone up the night before. I should have driven slower. Like all of these thoughts and ideas were going on in my head in mistakes that I thought I had made, in ways I was trying to come up with that I could have prevented this accident from happening. And on and on my mind was spinning about the past and I could not let it go. It was consuming all of my thoughts and it was very painful and I was blaming myself and I felt so terrible. I could not let this go.