Money can be a constant worry for many women after divorce. I know for me it was. Then I was introduced to the idea that I had a relationship with money, and that relationship directly affected my bottom line in ways I never realized before. In this podcast episode I will be teaching how your relationship with money is showing up through scarcity or abundance which is fueling they way you show up in your life through actions that will help you make more money or keep you stuck always wondering why there's never enough. What you'll learn in today's episode:
How your relationship with money is holding you back after divorce.
How to figure out what your relationship with money is.
Why you need to step away from feeling scarcity and instead purposely create a feeling of abundance.
The one exercise you can do right now to feel more abundant in your life.
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List to the full episode:
If you are a divorced woman who is constantly worrying about her money situation after divorce. If you don't think you're incapable of supporting you and your kids. If you don't think you're smart enough to go back to school, to get a high paying job or to start a business and make it thrive. Then I want you to know that all of this is bullshit. These are stories that you're believing and none of them are true. If you want to learn how to believe in yourself enough to make more money, to apply for and get the job of your dreams and to be the example to your kids that moms are capable of making great money too, then schedule your free consult with me and we'll talk about how to make that part of your reality. Click here to schedule your free discovery session with me.
Featured on this episode:
Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.
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Want to know first hand how Karin can help you with your specific problems and create an even better life than when you were married? Click here to schedule a free consult.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome back to Becoming You Again. I’m your host Karin Nelson. I’m a certified divorce confidence coach and this is the podcast where I teach you how to reconnect with yourself, create emotional resiliency and live a truly independent life, so you can have an even better life than when you were married.
Welcome back to the podcast my friends. So this is the second time that I am recording this podcast today. I recorded it and I just wasn’t very happy with the way it turned out the first time and I slept on it and then I woke up the next morning and I was like yeah I am just going to re-record this podcast about money and abundance after divorce and hopefully it will come out better this time. I think it will. I think this is going to be much better than the first one and so let us jump in to talking about money and abundance after your divorce.
After I went through my divorce I kind of really immersed myself in self-help. It is something that I have always really loved, self-help books and recognizing that I am kind of in control of my own life and I found that after my divorce this was the perfect time for me to jump back into my love of self-help. One of the very first books that I read after my divorce was You Are A Badass At Making Money by Jen Sincero. I specifically listened to this book because one of the podcast hosts of one of my very favorite podcasts that really helped me get through my divorce in such an amazing way mentioned that she was reading this book and I had never heard of it. I had never heard of Jen Sincero and so I was like, ok, alright, let’s check this out. So I did what I always do when it comes to books. I got it on Audible. Because I really like to listen to books so I downloaded it on audible and I started listening to it and I immediately connected with Jen Sincero with her voice, with her story, with everything that she was teaching me and telling me in this book and so then I did what I also always do when it comes to books if I really, really connect with it and like the Audible version then I will buy a hard copy as well so then I can have both. I can outline it and go back and find things and read the hardcopy and follow along while I am listening to it if I want. All of the things. So I listened to the book, finished it, loved it, bought the hardcopy and continued to do the work that Jen talks about in this book.
And I have to say, this book changed my life. This is one of the singular things that drove me on this path of creating more money in my life and believing that it was possible for me to do that. And it opened up my eyes to the idea that I could start a business on my own and create any kind of wealth and money and stability and security for myself that I wanted to create after my divorce and I never really had imagined that that was possible for me and I love that Jen was able to open my eyes to this whole idea, this whole new world through this book.
I’m not trying to sell you this book, although I do think that everyone should read this book because I think it is amazing and just the way it opened my eyes to new ways of thinking that I had never imagined before changed my life and I think it can offer a lot of people some really great things. So, I am not here to say this podcast is about this book because the podcast is really about money and abundance after divorce. I just want you to know that my path into this journey of understanding my relationship with money and understanding how that relationship and how abundance plays into creating more money for yourself started by reading You Are A Badass At Making Money.
Here is what happens, I started to realize that I had a terrible relationship with money and that I had had a terrible relationship with money my entire life. I never even really knew that I had a bad relationship with money. I didn’t even know that having a relationship with money was a thing. I just thought that the stories that I had about money were true. I thought that money was terrible. I hated money. I especially hated money when I didn’t have it or when I didn’t have enough to pay my bills. I would love money when I had it and then I would go spend it immediately right after I got it, whether it was on bills or something for the kids and then I would always be wondering why do I not have enough? Where did it go? Why is it not here when I need it? And I was constantly with this I wish you were here, why can’t you do more for me relationship with money that I didn’t realize was creating such a bad relationship with money.
And so what Jen taught me in this book and what I later realized through many coaching sessions as well is that I am in charge of my relationship with money and if I have a good relationship with money it is going to make me feel abundant which is going to have me showing up in my life completely different than I would if I was feeling scarce. So that is what I want to talk with you about today. What is your relationship with money? What does it look like? How does it make you feel when you think those things? And when you think them do you feel abundant or do you feel scarce because you will show up differently in your life opening doors of opportunity to create more money in your life or leave you stagnant exactly where you are out with not enough money to pay your bills, not enough money to live the life that you want to live after divorce. All right?
So as I was reading this book at the end of each chapter Jen gives some questions, some action steps that you can take to kind of help you recognize what your relationship is like with money. And I did those and I am going to offer you some of the things that I do with my clients to help them realize what kind of relationship they have with money and some of the things that Jen taught me in this book to help me recognize what kind of relationship I had with money.
So here are some of the thoughts that I used to believe about money. One of the biggest stories that I told myself that I totally believed was that I couldn’t make enough money to support myself after divorce because I needed a partner to be able to offset all of the costs. I truly believed that I was not going to be capable as a single mom to provide enough money for me and my kids to live and have fun and go on vacations and get out of debt and pay the bills and do all of the things that I really wanted to be able to do as a single mom. I had evidence for this that I used to cement my belief in this story and it was because when I was married we had two incomes and we were always struggling with our money. We were always in debt. We always had to use credit cards. We never really had a lot of leftover money at the end of the month and we couldn’t figure out where it was going.
And so when I got divorced I was like well that’s just going to be the case from now on. I’ll never be able to make it unless I have a partner in the partner makes considerably more money than my ex and I were making the time. I just want you to know that story was not serving me, number one, and it was not true in the least.
So I’m going to share with you some of the other thoughts that I had about money that were holding me back from making more and keeping me in a scarcity mindset and some of the thoughts are also thoughts that my clients have offered me when we coach through their money mindset.
I’m not good with money. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Money causes stress. I hate money. There is never enough money. Money is trouble. Money is out of my reach. Money makes you a jerk. Money means that you are greedy. And there are so many others that I believed and that my clients believe that truly create a scarcity mindset without you even realizing. And then when you feel scarce, you know you do, at least this is what I do and this is what I totally recognize that my clients do as well, they hide from their money. They don’t look at their balance. They don’t – if they are getting calls from creditors or anything like that they block the call so they don’t have to answer. They don’t learn about saving. They don’t try and pay off their debt in a snowball method. They don’t try and learn new ways of making more money or bringing in more money. They don’t apply for higher paying jobs. They don’t think they are capable of having a higher paying job. They won’t apply for jobs because they are scared that it will take way too much time from their kids. Do you see how this is all coming from scarcity thinking?
And so my goal today is to help you recognize what your story is about money, what your relationship is with money so that you can start to rewrite it. Change in a way where you start to feel abundant in your life and so that you will show up in your life opening more doors, creating more opportunities, figuring out different ways of working with the money that you have, creating more money in your life so that you can begin to have the kind of like the want after divorce when it comes to money. I know that it sounds a little woo and maybe you’re like, this doesn’t work. This isn’t possible. But what you think becomes your reality. What you think about is created in your experience. Always. And so if you are thinking about money in a way where you hate it, I promise you, you are creating scarcity in your life by continuing to believe those stories.
So here is what I want you to do. I want you to answer these questions so that you can start to get an idea of what your relationship is like when it comes to money. What did your parents teach you about money? What do you think about rich people? What do you think of poor people? What do you think will happen to your personality if you become rich? If you make more money? What do you think about that? What do you think about spending money? What do you think about saving money? Answer those questions. Write them out. And then with each answer I want you to think about it and I want you to think how it makes you feel because that will clue you in on whether you feel scarcity or whether you feel abundant when you think those things.
Now let us talk about scarcity and abundance for just a minute. Because you might be like well what does scarcity and abundance even mean. Those are just like woo woo, la la, feelings and emotions and I don’t even know what that means. So let me explain to you what they are.
Scarcity feels very closed off. It feels tight. It feels inferior. It is a mindset where you are seeing lack. You are seeing not enough. You are seeing everything is never enough. If one person has more than the other person therefore is going to have less. It’s kind of like you are looking through the world through this lens of I can’t have this. There is not enough to go around. There is not enough for me. I can’t. It’s too hard. Right?
And then abundance feels completely the opposite. It feels so open. It feels so good. It feels so giving. There is so much gratitude attached with abundance. It’s like seeing that there is plenty for everyone. There is plenty to go around. There is plenty for me. There is plenty for you. There is plenty for all of us. It’s kind of thinking about it like I always have enough. There is always more to fill this up. There is always plenty to go around. There is always plenty to share. It comes from so much gratitude and appreciation for what you have and what you can give to the world as well. Not just what you have and then selfishly keep it, right? It is what you have and you have so much, you have such an abundance that you can share that with the world in whatever way you feel prompted to. It’s kind of looking through the world through the lens of I can and I will. So I want you to really recognize what comes up for you as you answer those questions and how you feel because this is what I want you to see, we have thoughts, right? We have all of these thoughts and these stories that we have about money. And then those thoughts and those stories create a feeling inside of her body and based off of what we are feeling, those feelings fuel how we show up in our life. A few will our actions or inaction and taking action from a place of abundance is going to create more money in your life. And taking action from a feeling of scarcity is going to keep you stuck exactly where you are at, struggling with money.
When I worked with Karin Nelson as my divorce coach I worked on myself from the inside out. Best of all, I learned to love and forgive myself through my divorce. I found me again and started putting my needs first. I learned to create healthy boundaries without people pleasing or being codependent. I found my confidence again and I am proud of who I’ve become. I would tell any woman who is going through a divorce that if you are struggling to know who you are or if you’re struggling to believe that your life can be good again, then you need to work with Karin as your coach. She helps you see that your life doesn’t end with divorce, and it’s really the beginning of something new and amazing. If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, click the link in the show notes to find out more about how to work with Karin Nelson.
So how do you feel more abundant? Well we know that if our thoughts create our feelings, right, then first we are going to work on the relationship with money. What you think about money because you get to think whatever you want to think about money. So I like to teach my clients this. When they have a bad relationship with money and they write out all of their thoughts about what they think about money and then I just want them to start thinking about that relationship with money as if money were one of their children. Okay. So just go with me here for a minute because I want you to really see this description so that it will open your eyes to what I am talking about.
If you have thought about money where you are constantly saying I hate paying bills. I never have enough left over. I just wish I had more of it. I wish that it would stick around longer. It is never there when I need it the most. Right? And if you start to think about that relationship like if the child what if you were constantly telling your child that it wasn’t good enough. That it needed to be more. That it needed to be better. That it needed to be there when you needed it most. What if you always told your child how stressful it was and that it was really hard to be around sometimes. I really want you think about that picture because what would your relationship be like with a child if you told them those things? Probably not very good. Right? And that is what is happening when you say those things and think those things and believe those things about money.
You will get to believe anything you want about money. You can love money. You can be so grateful for it and tell her how awesome it is. You can treat your money so good and you can save it and you can be grateful every time you get to pay a bill because when you pay the power bill you can be like I am so grateful that I have the money to pay this bill and that I get to pay it because now I have power and it is so amazing. You can be grateful even when you have to pay taxes or even when you have to pay for your child’s school. Right? I am so grateful that I get to pay this bill for my child’s school because now my child gets to go and get an education and be with their friends and connect with other human beings. It is such a beautiful thing. Money provides so many opportunities for us and for the world. The more you allow yourself to thrive and the more you allow yourself to be open to bring in more money the more you can automatically help others thrive as well and it is such a beautiful system. It is such a beautiful thing.
So how do you change your thoughts and then begin to feel more abundant? Well you first, again I always say this in almost every single one of my podcasts but you have to be aware. So that is what answering those questions is going to do for you. It is going to help you be aware of your stories and this is how you are going to create more abundance. First you are going to change your stories. You are going to start with one and you are going to decide on one new story that you can believe. Make sure you choose something that is believable like it’s possible that I could find a job where I make more money. It’s possible. Right? Lots of people do it. So it’s possible for you too. I like the word it’s possible because it doesn’t mean that you are going to do it right now. It doesn’t mean that you have to change your belief 100% that you could automatically go out tomorrow and get a new job although you could. I promise you that you could. But you may not be to that belief yet and I is totally fine. So I just like to add a little, the little bridge word. It’s possible that I could apply for a job and get it and make more money. It’s possible that I could find a job where I am compensated for the value I provide and it is more than I am making now. Okay? Something like that. Something that feels good, that feels abundant, that you believe.
And I also like to give this exercise to my clients when they are really struggling with seeing the abundance that they have in their life. I want you to make a list of things that you have in your house right now. Blankets, beds, light bulbs, televisions, food, computers, whatever it is, shoes, I do not even care. You make a list. Things that you have in your life right now and you go one by one down that list and I want you to remind yourself how abundant you are for wanting and having this thing in your life or these things in your life.
So I just went through this exercise the last couple of months because I was starting to feel some scarcity mindset, some scarcity thoughts creeping back into my brain and I could feel the difference. I could feel that I was showing up differently in my life. I was coming more from scarcity. I was telling my kids more often oh we can’t afford that. When we can, we could totally afford all of the things but I just had this story that kind was creeping back in and so I was like alright, I’m a coach. I know how to create abundance in my life. I know how to create that feeling and so every night before I go to bed I would list out all of the things that I could think in my life where I had an abundance of them. Like soft, cozy blankets. I have an abundance of those and I am so grateful that they are a part of my life. I am so grateful for them and I am so grateful that anyone that came into my house could be warm and comforted by this cozy blanket if they needed to and anyone who lives here can be warm and comforted by his cozy soft blanket.
Shoes. I have an abundance of shoes. I have more shoes than I could ever wear one time. Right? I have more options than I need. I have an abundance. And I have the ability to give away shoes on a whim if necessary. As does every person who lives in my house. There is so much abundance that we are surrounded by and the more you can recognize it the more abundant and loving and grateful and appreciative you will feel and it feels so good.
And so I just went through and I would list as many things as I could think of. I want you to do the same thing. You can start with a list of five or 10 things or you can do it in your head and list as many things as you can think of but I really want you to work on creating that feeling of abundance for yourself because when you start to do that at you will start to notice that you are taking different actions. You are believing that you are capable in a different way than you ever have been when it comes to money and you will start to notice you are saving more. You are paying off some debt. Maybe you are putting a little bit away for a vacation. Maybe you are applying for that job. Maybe you are going back to school. Maybe you are starting a business that you always wanted to start. Or maybe there is some other creative idea that pops into your head of how you can create and make more money in your life that never had been there before. You will be astounded by how this will change your life. I know I was and it all started with that book and with me creating a better relationship with money and really focusing on creating that feeling of abundance in my life.
You can do this for yourself as well. I know it. I have seen in my life. I have seen in my clients lives. I guarantee this will change your life so get started. Create that better relationship with money and get started on it today.
Alright my friends, that is what I have for you today. I love you so much. Thank you for being here and I will be back next week.
If you like what you heard on today’s podcast and you want to know more about working 1:1 with me, you can go to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com and schedule your free consult to find out more. That’s www dot Karin nelson coaching dot com.
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