This week I'm helping Noemi.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
When someone has done something wrong or treated us badly, we want an apology. Society has taught us that an apology is how we show remorse and ask forgiveness all wrapped up in the words, I'm sorry. So it makes sense that we'd want that from the person who is to blame for our hurt.
In today's short episode, I'm helping Noemi understand where her power lies when it comes to feeling like she needs an apology. We can't make someone apologize for something but we can do something for ourselves that is much more powerful and supportive.
When we need other people to act a certain way for us to feel better we lose out, because controlling others doesn't work and that's not the kind of person we want to be. So what's the answer? The answer is to learn to focus on what is always 100% within your control so that you can create an amazing experience without needing other people or things around you to change. I can show you how. Click here to schedule your free consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week’s question is from Noemi. She says, “Why does it feel bad when you think someone should apologize for something but they don’t or they won’t, especially when they’re the one to blame for the situation?”
Thank you so much for your question Noemi. And I think this is a really common one and so when I’m working with a client and they are wanting an apology for something for whatever reason we stop and take a look at the reason why they want that apology. And so I want you to ask yourself this question, “What do you think you’ll feel if they apologize?” Because once we can figure out what it is that you’re wanting to feel and what it is that you think you’ll feel if they gave you the apology, that’s when we can get to understanding of what it is that you are needing. And I really want you to understand that you don’t need someone to say the words I am sorry or to apologize for something for you to feel better. For you to feel the thing that you are wanting to feel.
It’s within your power to create purposefully that feeling that you are seeking right now without needing anything from that person, without needing anything from someone else.
Often giving ourselves permission to feel what we want to feel or what we need to feel is enough to fill that void that we think the apology is going to fill up for us. And understanding this will give you back your power to be in charge of your life and your emotions. Because otherwise, you’ll spend a lot of time waiting around for people to change who they are and how they show up and needing them to give you something in some way, which they’re most likely not going to do and that sucks for you because then you need them to change, you need them to provide this apology for you so that you can feel different. And it’s just not true. You get to decide how you want to think and feel at any time. It doesn’t matter how they show up. It doesn’t matter what they do for you or don’t do for you. It matters what you want to decide on and how you want to purposely think and feel for you. You can create that for yourself no matter if they apologize or not.
I hope that was helpful Noemi. Thanks so much for your question. I’ll talk to you next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.