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Ep #60: Overcoming Codependency | Becoming You Again Podcast

Codependency is an attachment style where you need the other person in the relationship to give you approval in all the positive ways. You need other people to validate you as a person. You need their words to remind you that you have worth. To remind you that you are lovable and worthy and valuable. When you are codependent you use other people’s emotions to gauge how you are allowed to emotionally show up. Sometimes this looks like being a people pleaser. You often don’t trust your own opinions. You defer decisions. You don’t value your words or your thoughts. If you don't learn to let go of your codependent habits, you will end up recreating this attachment style in all of your other relationships moving forward. So that ends today. I'm going to teach you three steps that you can use to help you let go of your codependent habits and instead create healthy, strong relationships moving forward in your life. In this episode you will learn:

  1. What codependency looks like.

  2. How learning to validate yourself will be a game-changer for you in learning to fully love and accept yourself and being able to fully love and accept those in the relationship as well.

  3. The key to reconnecting with you emotionally that has been missing keeping you stuck in a codependent habit, and what you can do to emotionally show up for yourself.

  4. How to take a proactive role in implementing these changes today so you can finally replace the codependent habit with a new healthy habit instead.

To schedule your free consult with me click here. To join the FREE monthly group coaching and support call click here. Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

List to the full episode:

You think you're doomed to repeat the same cycles you had in your marriage with your future relationships. I'm here to reassure you and tell you, you're not doomed, if you're willing to put in the work to change some old habits. It's totally possible for you to let go of codependency and learn to have healthy, strong, loving relationships that are full of acceptance, for yourself and your future partner. Let me show you how. Click here to schedule your complimentary discovery session with me.

Featured on this episode:

  1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

  2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

  3. Want to know first hand how Karin can help you with your specific problems and create an even better life than when you were married? Click here to schedule a complimentary consult.

  4. Haven't left a review yet? No problem. Click here to leave one.

Full Episode Transcript:

I’m Karin Nelson and you’re listening to the Becoming You Again Podcast, episode number 60.

Welcome back to Becoming You Again. I’m your host Karin Nelson. I’m a certified divorce confidence coach and this is the podcast where I teach you how to reconnect with yourself, create emotional resiliency and live a truly independent life, so you can have an even better life than when you were married.

Hello my friends. So things here are going pretty good. I’m getting ready for my daughter’s 21 birthday which should be so fun. She’s been looking forward to it for a while now, obviously. It is her 21st birthday so…and we’ve got it planned exactly what we are going to do. We are going to the bar together and it’s going to be so fun. We’re looking forward to it a lot.

And we also just had our family pictures done. Now I don’t know about where you live but here in Utah fall is like especially the end of September, like early to mid October it gets really pretty. The leaves in the mountains are changing colors and it’s just like this explosion of yellows, and reds, and greens, and purples and it’s the most beautiful thing. So I scheduled our pictures purposely to be during this time of year up one of the canyons in Salt Lake City. So we go up Sunday afternoon and we get to the place, hahaha, and it was a scene that I was not expecting. It’s of course totally beautiful but there are so many other families in this same spot waiting to get their pictures taken. It was actually really kind of funny. I was not expecting this at all. But I really want you to picture this in your mind. You are walking down the path to where you are going to take the actual pictures and there are just pockets of families like every 20 to 30 feet just posing, taking pictures, photographers. I mean there were people up there for their wedding pictures. There were families. There were people dressed in Halloween costumes. There were two people dressed as ghosts running down the street holding hands, hugging with this photographer who is just taking all of these action shots. I mean so many creative different kind of things going on. It was so fun. And a little crazy and very unexpected for me. I guess maybe for a photographer you’re like, yeah that’s just how it is, but for me who only gets family pictures I think the last time we did it was two years ago this was very fun and unexpected. But I am also so glad that it is done and I can’t wait to get them back. I am so excited about it. So that is what is going on in my neck of the woods. That is what has been going on with me. What has been going on with you. Please come tell me. Either a join my Facebook group and let me know or DM me on Instagram. However you want to get a hold of me. I love to chat with you guys. You are amazing and I love getting to know you so let me know.

Also before I move on to the topic of today I did want to announce the date and time of this month’s free monthly coaching support group call where you can come, you can feel supported and connected to other women who are going through divorce and struggling with the same things you are. You can either listen in and just join and feel connected. You can get coached on a problem that you are having. You can do both. You can join and listen and get coached. It is totally up to you and sometimes what we need most is to step out of the isolation that we feel as we are going through this divorce and we really want to just step into connection and contact with other women who are just struggling with the same things we are struggling with.

So go and register for this call. I forgot to tell you when it is. Okay. Here is the date. Listen up. It is Tuesday, October 25, 2022 at 7 PM Eastern time. And you have to register for this call. Which basically means you give me, you put your name, you put your email and then you get email updates and reminders when each month’s call is but once you are on the list you do not have to keep registering every month. You are just on the list. You will get the email update and then you can join for the ones that you can make. Which is pretty amazing I think. You join one time, you are on the list, there you go and it will be once a month. This month’s call again is October 25, 2022.

So if you are listening to this in the future but it is a present for you then we have already had this call and you are not going to be able to come but I would guess there is probably one coming up for whatever month your listening in so just look for that date, get on the list and you will get an email telling you when it is. But this month if it is before October 25, 2022 that is the date that we are doing it at 7 PM Eastern time. So you can find that link in the show notes of this podcast or if you come and join my Facebook group, if you are not already in it, I always post announcements in there as well.

Alright so let’s dive into today’s topic on overcoming codependency. I’ve coaching several women through their codependent habits after their divorce because they recognize that if they don’t figure out how to leave codependency behind that they’re just end up attaching themselves to their next partner in the same way. And it’s not going to be good. And I had to do this work on myself as well. I didn’t know what codependency was while I was married and so I definitely wouldn’t have called myself that, but once I got divorced and I found coaching and I started getting trained in all of these different things and learning new things about myself and about relationships I recognized myself that I was someone who had codependent habits and I really wanted to unwind that attachment style so that as I moved forward into new relationships with not just my new partner but with my kids and my family members and with my friends and I wanted to approach those in a much healthier loving way where I was being true and authentic to myself and so I could show up being true and authentic with them as well.

So let’s first understand what codependency is because maybe you are like I was and had no idea this was even a thing. You don’t recognize it. You don’t may be recognizing yourself because you’re not quite sure what it actually means. Or maybe you have literally had all the therapy in the world, right, you have been doing therapy for years and you know what it is and it’s still showing up in your life and in your relationships.

This is how I define codependency. It’s when you need the other person in the relationship to give you approval in all the positive ways, or as another way of saying this, you