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Ep #98: Own The Truth | Becoming You Again Podcast

Telling ourselves the whole truth in situations is where peace and acceptance will be found. If you find yourself defensive or hurt over things someone has said there may another side of the truth that needs to be told. If you find yourself unable to fully allowing certain negative emotions there may some truth that you're pretending isn't there.

In this episode I talk about why owning the truth. Through examples you will see how looking at things from a different perspective and then owning what's true for you can deepen your connection with yourself and in the other meaningful relationships in your life.

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Featured on this episode:

  1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

  2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

  3. Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to apply to work 1:1 with Karin as your coach.

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Full Episode Transcript:

I’m Karin Nelson and you’re listening to Becoming You Again podcast episode number 98.

Welcome to becoming You Again. The podcast to help you with your mental and emotional wellbeing during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so your life will be even better than when you were married. I’m your host Karin Nelson.

Hello my friends. Welcome back to the podcast. How are you all doing? My cat has decided to join us as I record this podcast for you today and so if you hear some purring, well you are welcome. I do find that cat purring is very soothing to me and if it’s not soothing to you, you can just fast forward through this part. But I did want to mention, first you all, you guys know how much I love recording this podcast for you. It is one of my favorite things and I know how important it is when you are going through divorce were after the divorce when you need some guidance and some help feeling supported and feeling like there is someone there to can help you get through the really difficult, hard, challenging times the facing. That is why I create this podcast because when I was going through my divorce I had audiobooks and I had actual paperback books that I was reading and going through and I didn’t find coaching for a couple of years after my divorce was final. So I make this podcast to help as many women as possible, and men of too of course, but I know my audience is mostly women and I make this podcast specifically for you. For you women who are struggling with the trauma that you are facing as you go through your divorce, after your divorce as you are trying to heal and grieve and process and create a new life and a new beginning and figure out what your life looks like moving forward. This podcast is to help you through all of that as a guide to offer you some suggestions and some tools and things that have helped me and are helping my clients and that might help you. And the more women who know about this podcast, the more women this can help. And so I need your help getting the word out. I am so grateful to every person who has gone in and left a reading, either on Spotify or on Apple podcast or wherever you listen to this podcast. But I am asking just for one more thing. If you will please go to the podcasting app that you listen to this podcast on. I know most of you are listening to it on Apple podcast. There are some of you who are listening to it on Spotify and a view others here and there but whatever podcasting app that you listen to it, the algorithm really loves comments and if you would do me just a quick favor, take one minute out of your day. Go right now to the app, scroll to the bottom or click the button right when you open it up and leave a comment about the podcast so that more women can find this podcast and have access to it. I would greatly, greatly appreciate that. All right thank you so much for your help. I truly appreciate that. Let us move on to this week’s topic.

This week I am talking about owning the truth. What I mean by that is telling yourself the truth in any situation of your life, even if it isn’t something that you want to face or see or acknowledge. Now I want you to understand that you can use this concept with other people in your life in relationships when it feels right. And as I get more examples about what I mean by owning the truth you are going to understand kind of what I mean that I do in the end believe that the truth truly will set you free and it does create an environment of connection, deep connection and honesty and vulnerability which I think is a great thing when it comes to relationships. However I also know who my audience is and I know that there are many, many women who listen to this podcast who are coming out of very toxic relationships, so as you listen to this podcast just wanted to be very discerning in the relationships that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in this way where you are going to own the truth in every situation. Okay?

Because when you tell yourself the truth and I mean the whole truth about things, and seeing things from all sides, not just the side that sounds good or pretty or makes you come off in a good light or that is most obvious to you – that kind of truth takes real vulnerability. It takes humility. It takes courage. It takes even competence in some ways and I can feel very uncomfortable at times. But I believe being real and owning the truth is where relationships flourish and grow and with vulnerability comes true connection. So as I am talking about this topic in today’s podcast I’m going to be talking about owning the truth as a tool to strengthen your bond and your connection and your relationship with yourself. Because I think, you know like this. I believe that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship that you have in your life and so of course when I want you to be vulnerable and honest it starts with doing that with yourself. And that starts with owning the truth about situations in your life. I am going to teach you how to do that today through many examples.

Are you vulnerable with yourself? Do you tell yourself the truth about what’s going on in your heart? Are you honest with yourself about what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way? And do you allow yourself to feel that way? What do you tell yourself that you are wrong for feeling that way? These are the kinds of things I hope that you will examine for yourself as a way of deepening that connection with yourself.

Now I do have a little warning that I want to make very clear here. When I say, own the truth or tell yourself the truth or be honest, I am not talking about - everyone listen up I am not talking about beating yourself up or using this as an excuse to judge yourself, put yourself down; criticize yourself in the name of “well I’m just being honest”. That is not what I’m talking about. And you do not have my permission to use this tool against yourself in that way. Okay? So just keep that in mind as I teach you this technique.

So let me give you an example of what I mean when I say own the truth, for yourself, to create a deeper connection with you. For example, if my daughter said to me, “You never let me watch Sponge Bob as a kid. I had to go behind your back to watch it because I knew you’d get mad if you found out and now I feel like I have to hide everything from you.” I could come away from that conversation feeling very defensive, angry, upset even. I might be saying things in my head like, her hiding things from me has nothing to do with me not letting her watch Sponge Bob as a child. She’s so wrong. I am a good mom. I didn’t want her to watch things that were inappropriate and I believed that show was inappropriate for a child. I can’t believe she’s blaming me for her lying and hiding things behind my back.

So that is the example. Now I use this example because my kids and I have this joke that I – they call me SpongeBob mom because when they were younger I would not let them watch SpongeBob so to us it’s a funny joke. We laugh about it. So but I did tweak this example. It’s not a real thing but is like kind of the example that I want to give of what we do to ourselves when someone says something to us and how we take it. Right. We can see one side of things.

So in this example let’s tease out the truth that is already there and then I want to teach you how to own the truth of everything else that is in there. The parts that we are pretending aren’t actually true.