This week Kay needs some help.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Kay wants to know how to stop feeling so much sadness around the holidays. Listen in as I help Kay know what to do when the sadness hits and how to have a greater capacity for emotional resiliency when those negative emotions show up.
Do you want to have an amazing holiday season this year and for years to come? Are you tired of dreading seeing all the happy families, feeling let down by your ex, and not being able to be with your kids every year? Did you used to love the holidays and now hate this time of year because of the pain and sadness that lingers on? If this sounds like you, then I want you to know that you can learn to love the holidays again. Schedule your free consult with me and we'll talk about what you're struggling with and how I can help. You don't have to figure out life after divorce all on your own. We'll take everything that you're learning on the podcast and step by step implement it in your life to help you heal and move forward toward the life that you actually want to live. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Today’s question is from Kay. She says, “I don’t miss my ex – at all – but I do get sad around the holiday’s because we’re not a family anymore. I can see some progress over the last few years since the divorce but the sadness still hits me hard. How do I make this feeling go away completely? I am tired of it.”
Thanks for your question Kay. This is a great question because I think so many of us really don’t like feeling negative emotion, especially sadness, and so when we do feel it, we want it to go away for good. There’s a couple of things I’ll say here.
The first is, it makes sense that you feel sad around the holiday’s because you’re telling yourself that you’re not a family anymore. When you believe that your family is broken in some way because of your divorce, you are going to feel sad. I have a whole podcast out on why the holiday’s hurt and what you can do to stop feeling so much sadness and hurt around the holidays. So if you haven’t listened to that episode – it’s episode number 68, I would recommend you go listen to it because I go in depth about this topic and offer some tips that are going to help you as you go through the holidays.
The second thing I want to address is this idea of making the sadness stop completely. I’m going to be the bearer of some news right now that you may not want to hear but you will never outrun feeling sad. You can never do enough self evolution, you can never have enough self love, or give of yourself enough to stop feeling negative emotion. The reason why is because you are a human. Humans feel emotions. It is part of our existence. It is really truly what makes us special and unique. If you didn’t feel negative emotion, then you would only feel positive emotions but the problem with only feeling positive emotions is that you would not have the contrast. So if you don’t know what sadness feels like then you don’t know what happiness feels like. So without contrast you would only be feeling positive emotions but you wouldn’t understand that the positive emotions feel good. So basically you would just feel nothing. He would fill neutral all the time and that would make us more like robots because robots don’t have the capacity as machines to feel emotions, like humans do.
And the third thing that I want to add here is the reason that we don’t want to feel negative emotions any longer, like sadness or shame or anxiety, is because we spend so much energy trying to resist feeling it that we make it feel heavier and harder and more intense than in actually does. When if we would just open ourselves up to actually feeling the sadness and letting it be a part of us, a part of our day, come along with us, then that heaviness, and that intensity would diminish considerably and you would just have some sadness and then it would pass. This is what happens when you learn to process through your emotions and this is a skill, again I do have another podcast episode where you can learn to process your emotions. But the more you do it the better you get at it. You are capable of feeling sadness. Your body actually knows what to do with it. And it doesn’t have to be your favorite thing to feel, but I promised you, you are capable of feeling.
Alright Kay. Thanks again for your question. I’ll be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.