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Ep #58: The Art of Self Compassion | Becoming You Again Podcast

Updated: Oct 8, 2022

Have you ever noticed what you say to yourself when you make a mistake, or when you child gets mad at you, or when your ex texts you something nasty? Do you notice that you're kind and loving and compassionate with yourself? My guess is, you're like most of us who do the exact opposite of that, and instead become our own worst enemy, flinging self criticism and judgement around until we feel horrible and believe that we're a failure in every way. In today's episode I'm going to teach you the art of self compassion by breaking it down into the self compassion triad. By learning to be self compassionate, you'll be reprogramming your brain away from the self criticism default, to a new kinder version of you. In today's episode you'll learn:

  1. What self compassion is.

  2. How to evaluate your level of self compassion and a 24-hour challenge to bring that awareness into your consciousness.

  3. The self compassion triad, and how you can begin to implement each part of the triad into your own life.

To schedule your free consult with me click here. To join the WAITLIST for the Becoming You Again Program click here. Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.

List to the full episode:

When you're mean to yourself over and over again it makes it really hard to show up with confidence and certainty that you can live a happy, fulfilled life after divorce. That self criticism also has you feeling judgmental of yourself which has you judging the other people in your lives harshly as well. What does look like? Snapping at your kids, short tempered, isolating yourself, not setting goals for your future, continuing to believe that your life will never be great. You don't have to live this way. I can teach you a new way of thinking that will have you believing you can create any kind of life you want, and then actually making that life a reality. Want to know how? Click here to schedule your complimentary discovery session with me.

Featured on this episode:

  1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

  2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

  3. Want to know first hand how Karin can help you with your specific problems and create an even better life than when you were married? Click here to schedule a complimentary consult.

  4. Haven't left a review yet? No problem. Click here to leave one.

Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome back to Becoming You Again. I’m your host Karin Nelson. I’m a certified divorce confidence coach and this is the podcast where I teach you how to reconnect with yourself, create emotional resiliency and live a truly independent life, so you can have an even better life than when you were married.

Hi. How’s it going? Have I told you all how much I love making these podcasts for you? It’s one of my favorite things to do each week. I get so much great feedback from you all telling me how helpful the podcast episodes are which is first of all super great. I love hearing that. But that truly is the icing on the cake because I love being able to teach you the things that have helped me in my divorce and I love coming up with new topics that I know others are struggling with and being able to teach on those as well.

I know that divorce is a big part of many of the women who listen to this podcast of their lives. Right? I unfortunately am only one women and I only have the capacity to help a certain amount of women working one on one with them. I got to thinking about that yesterday and it got me thinking about what I can do to help more women to be able to put more of his goodness out into the world and to be able to guide more women as they go through their divorce. How can I teach more women to love themselves more, to figure out who they are, to help them reprogram their brain so they believe they are capable of living an amazing life after divorce? How can I help more women get really good at living an emotionally resilient life where they feel independent in their thoughts and they feel independent in their actions? And I am thinking about this and I realized I need to create a program because with a program I will be able to put all of the things I teach my clients in one place. And then it’s going to make it really easy for any woman who is struggling with this to come, to learn at her own pace, two do the lessons that apply to her in her life right now, and still have access to me because I will offer a live group coaching call and the replays if you cannot be there live and really have a place where women can feel like they are part of a larger community of like-minded women who are going through all the same kinds of things and who are wanting to learn how to live a better, happier life after divorce. And with the program it would be much more affordable than one-on-one coaching which means more access to more women.

Let’s be real, I completely understand the financial struggle that moms who are divorced often feel and sometimes that luxury of working one-on-one with a coach isn’t an option. So I’m creating this course right now. I am creating this program right now. I am working on it. I am putting it together. Of course it’s going to be called the Becoming You Again program. But if you want to be the first to know when this program is open so that you can join then I want you to click and get on my wait list. Click the link in the show notes or you can go to (all one word) and join the list there. That means when I open this program you will be the first to know. You will be the first to have the information. You will be the first to have the opportunity to join because your name will be on the list and you will be notified right when it opens. So again you can click the link in the show notes or go to www dot k a r I n n e l s o n coaching dot com slash w a I t l I s t (one word). Waitlist one word and that’s going to put you on the list so that when the program comes out and is open for enrollment.

Alright, now onto this episode. One thing that I’ve been experimenting with a lot with lately is self compassion and really stepping into giving myself grace and kindness, especially during times when every instinct that I have is to be self critical, to be unkind, demeaning, judgmental. I wanted to talk about the art of self compassion because I truly believe that the more women can learn to give themselves compassion and kindness, the better they are going to feel, which is going to have them showing up in their life with more love, more kindness, more compassion, trust, grace and curiosity to everyone around them as well. And I really want you to think about this. I want you to think about what would that mean for humanity in general. It would mean more connection, inclusivity, understanding. It would mean less hate, worry, confusion. So much of what I’ll be talking about and teaching you today is from my own experiences and my own experimentation on what kindness looks like for me and I’m also using the Mindful Self Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.

Self compassion is when you treat yourself the way you would treat a friend or a child who is having a hard time, even if they absolutely messed up big time or are feeling so down on themselves or they’re really going through the worst of the circumstances. Everyone of us knows how to be kind to others. We are taught this from a very early age to give to those in need. To treat others the way we want to be treated.

I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, but maybe not, either way I was raised in the Mormon church and even though I no longer consider myself to be a member of that religion, I still remember what it was like growing up, right, and I remember being in Primary on Sundays as a child and primary was where all the kids between the ages of like 4 to 12 or something like that and you would go to learn things and sing songs and have little lessons and do things like that on Sunday. But I remember singing a song in primary that has stuck with me all these years later. The lyrics were:

“I want to be kind to ev'ryone,

For that is right, you see.

So I say to myself, “Remember this:

Kindness begins with me.”

So kindness towards others isn’t something that most of us really struggle to do. It’s not very difficult for us. But what’s really fascinating is that when it comes to self compassion or kindness directed toward ourselves we have a completely different view. Instead of self compassion we often show up as our own worst enemy. I think probably a lot of you can relate to what I am saying here.

I remember back when I was first dating after divorce and I had been messaging back and forth with a guy for a few days. One day without notice or reason he ghosted me. Right. So many of you can probably relate to this. But for me this was my first experience with ghosting since it was the first guy I had been talking to since being married for 20 years so ghosting was like a new experience to me. It wasn’t really something that people did back in the day or i