Anonymous Needs Help This Week.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Anonymous is struggling with how to deal with both parents at her child's birthday party. They want everyone to be happy and have fun but isn't sure how to make that happen with her divorced parents both showing up at the party.
Listen in as I give Anonymous some tips on how to handle her own anxiety about the situation and what to do when it comes to inviting both parents to the party.
Learning to let go of trying to control how other people feel is a skill that will serve you in every area of your life. The only emotional remote control you need to hold onto is your own. I can teach you how to give back other's emotional remote controls and help you read your own manual to your emotional remote control so you feel better more often. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out how we can help you create this in your life as well.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Welcome back to Friday Flip. This week’s question is from anonymous. “My parents have been divorced for a few years but I find it difficult to navigate being around them or inviting them to things where they’ll both be there for. I’m a adult and I have my own child and I get really anxious about inviting them to my child’s birthday party where I know they’ll both be. I’m afraid it will be awkward and weird and uncomfortable. But I also don’t want to make either one feel bad by not inviting them to come. How do I handle this?”
Hi anonymous, thanks for your question. The thing to remember here is you are not in charge of or in control of anyone else’s emotional life. You’re feeling anxious because you’re wanting to control all of these things that are actually completely out of your control, like everyone coming to the party and being happy or not feeling weird or not feeling uncomfortable, which are things that you have no control over. The only person that you have control over emotionally is you. So if you don’t want to feel awkward or weird or uncomfortable then you have to take a look at your thoughts.
And if you decide that you want to invite both parents, then your work here is to learn to let people feel whatever they are feeling, and that includes you. It is possible for you to have a fun, happy, great time at your child’s birthday party and one or both of your parents may be feeling awkward or weird or uncomfortable. You don’t have to mirror what they’re feeling. You can hand them back their emotional remote control and allow them to feel whatever it is that they are going to feel. You can feel love and compassion for them and their situation and still have fun and enjoy the party.
Ask yourself how you want to show up at the party with both parents present and then go from there? Do you want to feel loving? Do you want to feel compassion towards them? Right now you’re feeling anxious and that will only lead to you taking actions and making decisions from anxiety which isn’t very useful most of the time it actually feels pretty heavy and uncontrollable. So intentionally decide for yourself who you want to be in this situation and then let go of the reigns of needing to control your parents experience at the party.
You’ve got this anonymous. Thanks so much for your question. I think that will be really helpful for a lot of people and I’ll talk to you next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.