This week's question comes from Anonymous asking for help making a decision.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Today I answer anonymous's question about making a decision concerning her ex and her daughter.
So many women struggle with making confident decisions after divorce. For many of us we deferred the decision making to our ex during the marriage because didn't feel like we would make the right decision, or we'd be judged and so we gave up even trying.
If this is you then you need to schedule your free consult with me by clicking here and we'll talk about how making decisions has been a problem for you in the past and how to you can learn to make confident decisions right for you every time moving forward.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week’s question comes from anonymous. My daughter is in dance which I pay for fully because my ex refused to pay for jointly. She has a recital coming up and my question is, do I invite him? I feel so much anger and resentment about inviting him since I pay for all of it, but I also know that it’s her dad and so I feel like the ‘right’ thing to do is invite him for her sake. What do I do?
Alright anonymous thanks for your question. When I’m working with my clients on making decisions the first thing we work on is thinking about decisions in a different way than most people have before. Most people think about making decisions as there being a right decision and a wrong decision. But I teach my clients that there is no right or wrong decision. There is just the decision that you make. As long as YOU like YOUR reasons for making that decision, then you can always make that decision right for you. You do this by letting go of what other people think. And what I mean by that is don’t make the decision based on what you think other people are going to think of you. You let go of what your child might think, or what your ex might think, or what your mother-in-law might think or what your mom might think, or your neighbor or the people at the dance studio. You let go of all of that and you get really clear about what you want. You let go of what you think you should do and you decide based on if you like your reasons for choosing it. Your opinion here is valid. If you decide you like your reasons for inviting him and those reasons make you feel good (like you like the idea of inviting him for your daughter’s sake), then go ahead and invite him. If you decide you like your reasons for not inviting him and those reasons make you feel good, then don’t invite him. Notice that inviting him out of obligation probably isn’t going to feel very good so what might be some other reasons you would invite him. Do those feel good or bad to you? Do you like those reasons? Notice that not inviting him out of anger or spite probably isn’t going to feel good. What would be some other reasons you wouldn’t invite him? Do those reasons feel good or bad to you? This is good work for you to do and it will help you feel confident in your decision. And you can 100% know that you made this decision, the best decision for you because of how you feel.
Thanks anonymous I think that’s a really good one for so many of us because so many of us struggle to make decisions and so I know this will be really helpful for so many of my listeners.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.