Guess who's learned to juggle at 45? That's right, it's me! This episode is a celebration of defying societal expectations that try to box us into a certain age group. I chat about the new, joyful adventures I've undertaken this year, from becoming a card-carrying member of the Taylor Swift fan club, grasping the art of juggling, to fulfilling my baking dreams.
But hold on, there's more. I veered into the realm of personal growth, teaching myself to row (thanks, YouTube!) and experiencing the joy of low-impact exercise. I also rediscovered the pure pleasure of reading for fun, with the added thrill of being part of a book club and making new friends later in life. I finish the episode with my top books I've read this year in four different categories. For the change of pace you're looking for and something to make you smile during your divorce, don't miss this episode.
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Full Episode Transcript:
You're listening to Becoming you Again, episode number 142, and I think that this is maybe the most fun episode that I do all year, so you definitely don't want to miss this one. Stick around. Welcome to Becoming you Again, the podcast to help you with your mental and emotional well-being during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the grief and trauma of your divorce. We're going to do that by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life, so that your life can be even better than when you were married. I'm your host, Karin Nelson. Welcome back to the podcast. My lovely ladies, I'm so glad you're here because this episode comes out right around the time of my birthday, and so I wanted to do something a little more fun, a little more relaxed, something that makes me excited, something that I want to talk about and share with all y'all. So this year, I'm turning 46, which is kind of hilarious, because I was doing the math the other day and I literally thought that I was turning 45 this year, and then I did the math and I was like oh, I am 45. I've been 45 this entire year and I literally just thought that I was turning 45. No, I'm actually turning 46. So there you go. That's. The greatness of my brain is that I thought I was one year younger than I actually am, which is so fun. But anyway, I think that society has kind of implanted this idea in our brains that once we hit a certain age, we're just too old to learn something new, to do something new, to go after things that make us happy. And if there's anything that I've learned about myself over the last six, seven years since my divorce, it's this I do not agree with that in any way. I think it is such a silly notion and I really don't subscribe to that belief. And I also think that, as women, especially women who are going through a divorce, that we are often taught to equate being in a relationship or being married to our worth and to our ability to have a meaningful life, to feel fulfilled. And so when we go through a divorce later in life, as so many of us do, as probably everyone who's listening to this podcast is or is thinking about it, right, it can seem like what's the point if my worth is attached to this relationship that I'm in? Because up to this point of divorce, right, our life has looked a certain way and then going through a divorce at age 40, like I was, or 50 or 60, or a little bit younger or a little bit older, or after being in a relationship or married for 15, 20, 30 plus years, it's really easy to kind of give up on ourselves and see ourselves through this lens that society kind of throws out there, which is kind of telling us that we no longer hold value, we're not in a relationship anymore or we're too old or both, and there's just really not much else we can do to contribute to society. We're past our prime, and I just want to say that is complete and utter bullshit and I do not ascribe to it. I do not agree with it, and that is why I am giving you this podcast episode, because I am just going to be talking to you about some of the favorite things that I have done for myself this past year, things where maybe I should have been thinking I'm past my prime, so I can't do this, or what is the point? This isn't adding any value to someone's life except mine, which is also important, right, but I have decided to not hold onto the belief about those societal and cultural standards that are just out in the world to shrug them off and just really go after things that bring me joy, that make me happy, that I want to do that, I want to learn, that I'm excited about and things that I just take great pleasure in. So here we go. Here are some of the things that I have done for myself or learned this year. Number one Taylor Swift. Yes, I know she's all over the media. You maybe are sick of her, but I am not. I never will be. If you've listened to my podcast before, you know that I love Taylor Swift and it doesn't matter that I'm 46 years old. I love her. First of all, she is an icon. She represents so much for women and what we can accomplish in this world. I mean, she made over a billion dollars. How cool is that? It's amazing. But I went to her concert with my daughter. We had so much fun, and so if there's someone out there that you love and maybe people in society are telling you're too old for that, no, no, you get to decide for yourself what makes you happy, and Taylor Swift makes me very happy. So that's number one. Number two I learned how to juggle this year and I wouldn't say I'm like the most amazing at juggling, but I do think that it's fun and I'm pretty good. It's not something that I ever looked at and thought I probably am going to learn how to juggle when I'm 45 years old. I didn't ever think that my partner knew how to juggle and he wanted juggling balls last year for Christmas and after he got the balls I thought it might be kind of cool to learn how to juggle. So he gave me some pointers and some tips and I just practiced and practiced every single day for a few minutes every day and voila, now I can juggle and it's pretty cool. Actually, I have to say I do think it's a special skill that not a lot of people have and I'm excited that I have it. Number three I have been teaching myself how to bake. I've always liked to bake cookies and I'm very good at cookie baking and I enjoy that. But anything else like making frosting never terrible. I was like deathly afraid of making anything with yeast, a yeasted product, because it scared me to death. I don't know why. Just had this fear that I would just screw it up terribly and immensely and everything would fall apart. And baking a cake from scratch never, always used a box, always used, like the frosting that came in the can, and that was it. Well, I decided that I'm capable, I can do this. I watch a lot of baking shows because I think they're so fun that I'm just going to learn how to bake. So I have been doing that over the last little while. I have made so many frostings that are disgusting to me but they've all been from scratch and because I have made like six or seven frostings that I don't like, I finally found the recipe that I do like and it's enjoyable and delicious. I have made curds. Whoever thought I was going to make a curd at the age of 46, not me, I was actually 45. So I digress, didn't think that that was ever going to be something that I would make on my own from scratch, and it was delicious, although I had to do it a couple of times before it actually worked. But what I'm learning through this process of learning how to bake and trying things and figuring out like my first couple of cakes didn't rise properly, like the middle was sunk, had to try it again, had to like, do some little detective work and figure out okay, what could it be? Could it be my baking powder or my baking soda. Maybe they're old, maybe I get new ones, maybe I've been mixing it too long, maybe I've been over mixing. Like all of these things that I am learning and having to figure out on my own is just allowing me to deepen my relationship with myself and allowing me to figure out what kind of a person I am as I'm going through these, this learning process at my age. So that was number three learning how to bake. I'm having so much fun with it and I'm going to keep going until I decide I don't want to anymore. Number four I have been teaching myself how to row. My partner and I bought a rowing machine a couple of months ago and it was kind of fun to get on it every once in a while, do it for a few minutes here and there, and then one day I was like maybe I should learn how to actually like row, like do the proper technique. Found a great YouTube personality, which I gotta say YouTube is such a great resource. If you don't use YouTube when you're learning new things, I would question why, because there's so much good information out there. So found some technique videos, have been practicing those, have been doing some workouts, and what I really like about rowing is that it is not hard on my joints. I can't run any longer because my knees hurt so bad and I do like to go walking still, but in the winter time, when it's snowy outside, it's not necessarily my favorite thing, but I can go rowing and it doesn't have to be out in the snow and it doesn't hurt my joints and it's kind of fun. So, yeah, a 46 year old rowing. I think it's kind of cool. I'm excited about it. Number six I joined a book club. One of my best friends invited me to join her book club with some of the women that she has worked with in the past, and so I met. First of all, I met a bunch of new friends, which is really fun to be doing at my age. It's kind of hard to meet new people when you're older, when you work from home, and so that's been very fun. We've had, I think, four meetings now and everybody just votes on the book each month, and it's been really fun to kind of get back into this thing of reading for pleasure. For years and years I have mostly not completely, but mostly just been reading like self help books or you know things like that which I think are great. I don't want to say like that's not a great thing, but I really kind of stepped away from novels and autobiographies and books just for fun or books for pleasure like murder mysteries, which are my all time favorite books, and so being in this book club has really helped me remember how much I love that, how much I love books, I love reading, I love having my mind opened to new ideas, new perspectives, new worlds, and the emotion that you feel, the outrage, the pleasure, the joy, the fear, the shock, the awe, and when you find a book that is so great, so amazing, that you have to tell everyone about it, that you don't want it to end because you love it so much. Like those are the moments that we live for when we read right. So being in a book club has been so fun and that is one thing that I just wanted to end this podcast on was some of my favorite books of the year that I've read. It's number one. It's in the self help category. It is called Honor, best Behavior the Price Women Pay to Be Good by Elise Lohnen. This book just made so much sense to me as I was going through the chapters of like all of these ideals that society and culturally we are given as women, and then we subscribe to them because we're raised in them and they're surrounding us in everything that we see and do, and Elise kind of just teaches you what to look for and what's there, and then you get to decide for yourself if you want to continue to subscribe to those beliefs or not. And I just really really loved the way she wrote this book. I learned so much about myself when reading it. So great, look that one up If you're wanting a self help book. The best novel I've read this year Lessons in Chemistry, by far the best. I just I'm speechless over how amazing this book is. And I know it's a, I know it's a show on Apple TV and I've watched a few episodes, but I really have to say I'm sure I'll finish it at some point, but I just loved the book so, so much that I wasn't as into the show as I wanted to be, because the book to me was just like mmm so perfect, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so so the book to me was just like mmm so perfect in every way. And here's another little tidbit about Lessons in Chemistry that maybe you didn't know, and it really goes right along with this whole idea of not being past our prime, of really allowing herself to do things that we want to do because we want to do them, because they seem fun or exciting, or or it's just something we want to undertake. The author of Lessons in Chemistry, bonnie Garmus, is 66 years old Now. I think she was a little bit younger, maybe like 64 or 65, when the book was published, but this is her debut novel. Let me say that one more time Bonnie Garmus's debut novel is Lessons in Chemistry, and she is 66 years old, and it just came out within the last year or two. If that does not get you excited about this idea of not being past your prime, no matter your age, then I don't know what will, because I think that is the coolest thing ever that she wanted to write a book about feminism and how far we've come over the years and how truly incredible women are when we go after what we want in our lives. This book is for any woman, and I think men need to read it too, but women especially, if you want to feel inspired. If you want to feel empowered about what you're capable of, read this book and be inspired by Bonnie and her ability to just go after something that she had never done before, that she was kind of excited about and just wanted to tell a story in this way. I think that is so cool, so so cool. Alright, my favorite autobiography of the year, viola Davis' book Finding Me Wow, just absolutely wow. I loved the perspective that I got when I was reading about Viola's life. I loved reading her journey of coming to know herself and to love herself. Viola talks throughout the entire book about her, like this journey through breaking down cultural and societal beliefs that she was given and that she had about herself, about her skin color, about her womanhood, about becoming an actress, about being poor, being raised in poverty, like all of these things that she had to overcome. She talks about having to learn how to trust herself and to know her inner wisdom and to believe in her own capabilities. Like it's so powerful. You will learn so much and I just really appreciate her vulnerability in this book and her willingness to share so many of her experiences. I just it was incredibly moving to me and I really, really loved it. So if you're looking for a good autobiography, viola Davis' book, finding Me. And then, lastly, my favorite book genre, my favorite book so far is None Other Than None of this is True by Lisa Jewel. I really just love thriller slash mysteries. I think they're so good and fun and it really makes my brain work to try and figure out what's really going on, what's where we're being told the truth, who's lying, who's being hidden in the shadows of the words. And I just loved this book. It kept me on my toes, it kept me guessing. The characters were good, it was so, so good, and I've read some of Lisa Jewel's books before, but this one is by far the best one that I've read of hers. So if you're looking for a great mystery or thriller, check out this book. All right, my friends, that is what I have for you today. I know it's a little bit different than most of the other podcasts, but sometimes we need a little bit different. We need a little bit of fun, we need a little bit of change of pace in our lives, especially when we're going through things that are heavy and hard and sometimes the holidays are hard, especially when we're going through a divorce. So, please. I hope that you enjoy this podcast and just remember you are incredible. You are not past your prime. You are worthy of living a life that is exciting, a life that you want and that you desire. Your desires are valid and if there is something that you want to do that you have always wanted to do, that you've wanted to try, learn, seek whatever it is. Just give yourself permission in the coming year to do that, to try it out, to learn something new, to try something new, to step out of your comfort zone a little bit and just see what you can accomplish, to see what happens, see what you feel. That's what this whole life is about, is about feeling and experiencing, and you're worth it. You truly, truly, are All right, my friends. I love you. I will talk to you next week. Hi, friend, I'm so glad you're here and thanks for listening. I wanted to let you know that if you're wanting more, a way to make deeper, more lasting change, then working one-on-one with me as your coach may be exactly what you need. Together, we'll take everything you're learning in the podcast and implement it in your life, with weekly coaching, real life practice and practical guidance To learn more about how to work with me one-on-one. Go to Karin Nelson coaching dot com. That's wwwKARINNELSONCoaching dot com. Thanks for listening. If this podcast agreed with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating. Wherever you listen to podcasts and for more details about how I can help you live an even better life than when you were married, make sure and check out the full show notes by clicking the link in the description.