This week's problem comes from Nina.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Nina's divorce was just finalized and she is feeling like a failure and weak.
Listen in as I offer Nina some advice on deciding for herself what divorce means and how she can begin to look at divorce in a different way that feels much better than a failure and something that makes her weak.
Divorce is hard. It's so easy to fall into the space where we feel like a failure, which can perpetuate the idea that we are weak and incapable of living a good life. If this sounds like you I want you to know that together we can change this narrative. Divorce does not have to define your life in a negative, terrible way. You may not know how to change that narrative and begin to believe in yourself, but I do and I can teach you how. Click here to schedule your free consult with me.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Today I’m helping Nina. She says, “My divorce was finalized today. I didn’t think it would hurt so bad. All those years down the drain. I feel like such a failure. Everyone thinks I’m being strong but I feel so weak, like it’s hard to go without crying for even an hour.”
Nina here’s what I want you to know. Divorce is hard and in no way does that mean that you are weak or that you are a failure. If anything going through a divorce and continuing to show up for your life, being a parent, figuring out coparenting, earning a living, being there to support the kids, while you take care of yourself and rebuilding a life that looks different than what you’ve known it to look, that all makes you more resilient and strong. There is nothing in that story that is weak.
I also want you to know that it is okay for relationships to complete themselves. You may not be in the space where you can believe that right now or where you can accept that right now, but I don’t want you to look at your divorce as a failure. Look at it more like a completion of that relationship. Because relationships complete themselves all the time and it doesn’t mean that you have failed as a human being, that you have failed at your life, that you have failed as a person. It just means that relationship was complete, now what do I want to do next with my life?
And there are some people out there who believe that allowing yourself to feel the emotion of sadness and disappointment is weakness and that crying is weakness. And if you want to believe that story, if you want to keep telling yourself that story you totally can but it doesn’t sound like believing that is helping you. It sounds like it is making you feel bad about yourself, right? It’s putting a layer of judgement on yourself that isn’t useful and it’s not necessary.
You said that everyone thinks you’re being strong. What if they’re right? Start looking for ways that you are strong coming out of your divorce. I gave you a couple of ways of looking at it, right. You can look at it like it’s a completion of your relationship. You can look at it like you are more resilient and strong because of it. But come up with a few more on your own. How is it possible that feeling your emotions makes you strong? How is it possible that you going through this divorce makes you strong? Allow your brain to work on these questions and see what comes up for you.
Thanks so much for that one Nina. I’ll be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.