This week's Question Is from Anonymous.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Anonymous wants to know more about letting go of what she can't control. She's struggling with her mind always wishing she could be in her old life and missing being with her kids full time.
Listen in to find out why focusing on what you can't control is hurting you and what to focus on instead to feel in control, fulfilled and expansive in your life.
Wishing you felt in control of your life but not understanding how to actual create that control can be overwhelming. You don't have to live your life feeling like you're stuck with how your ex is behaving or living fully focused on the past and what you are probably missing out on. You can learn to focus more on what you can control and feel empowered and emboldened to make decisions from that place, so your life looks more like what you want and less like something completely out of your control. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week’s question comes from anonymous. They ask, “Can you talk more about focusing on what is in my control, because logically I understand that, but it seems like my mind is always in the past of what my marriage looked like, of being a mother to my kids full time and now I don’t get to do that anymore and I miss that life so much and I just don’t know how to stop living in the past?”
Alright, thanks for your question anonymous. First of all I want you to know that it’s a very human trait to want to try and control things that are outside of us. I agree with you it would be so amazing if we could change the past or if we could go back to the past and things that we really miss or really love. Right. And I agree with you that if we could just control how other people behave or what they thought about us how amazing that would be. Truly if I knew how to do that I really think I would be like a trillionaire and my life and your life and so many other people’s lives who I know would be so much better for it. For knowing how to control things outside of us. That would be the most amazing magical thing that I could offer to the world.
But the problem is that we can’t do that. Right. We know this. The problem with trying to control things that are outside of us or that are outside of our control is that we create so much pain, and heartache, misery, and sadness and frustration for ourselves that is so unnecessary when we try to do this.
I want to give you list, and this is not a comprehensive list but this is just an idea of some of the things that are outside of our control that we often don’t want to be. We want to try and control these things and it just never works out in our favor. It really just only creates more unnecessary pain for ourselves. So here is a not comprehensive list of things that are outside our control. The past. Other people’s behavior. Other people’s beliefs. Other people’s opinions of us. The future. What people post on social media. What people think about us. Mother nature. The weather. Storms. Natural disasters. Disease. Pandemics. Your kid’s grades. Your kid’s attitudes. Your ex-husband’s choices. Those things and so many other things are outside of our control.
But now I want to give you a list, and again this is not comprehensive. I did not write down every single thing that is in our control but it is going to give you an idea where you are really going to want to start to focus to help you feel better. To help you feel more empowered in your own life. Here is what we do have control over. And when you really can learn to put your focus here on these things and less on the things outside of our control that is when you are going to have a much easier time living. You are going to feel much better. You are going to show up more in support of yourself because you are in control of this part.
You always have control over how you talk to yourself. You always have control over how you treat yourself. You have control over the words that come out of your mouth. Now that might take some practice but it is truly in your control. You are always in control of how you treat other people. You are in control of your energy. You are in control of who you follow on social media. You are in control of your response to things that happen outside of you. You are in control of your attitude. You are in control of how you care for yourself like your self-care and physically and mentally and emotional care. You are in control of the boundaries that you set for yourself. You are in control of what you consume, how much you consume and you are truly in control of how kind you are to yourself at any given moment.
Learning to put your focus more on what you can control, this is a skill. I am not saying these things are easy. I am not saying that like if you have never been doing this it should just come naturally to you. No. This is the work of life. These are the things that we learn throughout this journey here on earth that we can get better at but I promise you it can be learned. The more you practice focusing on what you can control and letting go of the things you cannot control the better you get at it. But guess what you are never going to be 100% perfect at this because you are human and that’s ok. You don’t have to be 100% perfect at it but you can become more practiced and more skilled by focusing your attention on what is in your control which is truly going to help you create a much more full intentional life for yourself.
Alright I hope that helps anonymous. Thanks so much for your question. I’ll be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.