This week I'm helping Sandi.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
After a breakup most of us are afraid that we'll never be able to trust a future partner again. But what about the even more important question of how do we learn to trust ourselves again?
Listen in as I answer Sandi's question about where to start when it comes to learning to trust yourself again, especially when you've been in a marriage where you were undermined every step of the way.
Was your ex a covert narcissist? Did he constantly gaslight you and make you feel like you were crazy? Are you wondering if you'll ever be able to overcome that self doubt that he planted and be able to trust yourself or feel capable again? I can help you rebuild that trust in yourself as you move forward with your life. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week I’m helping Sandi with her question about learning to trust herself again.
She says, “Everyone is always talking about how to learn to trust someone again after divorce, but I’m having a much harder time learning to trust myself when my thoughts about myself have been undermined my entire marriage. Where do I even start?”
Sandi thanks for your question. This is a great point that you make because learning to trust someone else will not ever come until we learn to trust ourselves first. This is where the work of learning self love, self compassion, acceptance and confidence comes in.
Years have been spent tearing you down in your thoughts about yourself and what you’re capable of. When we have someone outside of us who is constantly undermining us, gas lighting us, questioning our opinions and our decisions, it makes sense and becomes natural that we would start doing that to ourselves inside our heads as well.
Our thoughts become mean, hateful, and doubtful and confused and that’s when we lose that trust in ourselves and our inner knowing. But your inner knowing, that trust of yourself, is still possible; you just have to relearn how to do it in a very loving way.
So the first step is to start to think about yourself little by little in a more loving, accepting way. You’ve got to start being kind to yourself because this is going to plant seeds that you are worthy, that your opinions do matter and you are capable of making decisions. And over time as you begin to change these beliefs about yourself it will lead to your willingness of trusting yourself and that you know what is best for you.
And then the next step is to take action by making decisions. Making decisions and then following through. Another way of saying this is like having your own back, like making a decision and having your own back about that decision. Even if those decisions are scary. Even if the decisions are big or small or whatever the decision is, when you make a decision and you follow through with it you build trust in yourself that you are capable of doing it.
And here is the thing, we can’t just work on our thoughts about ourselves. Right. Like that is an important part of it. We do have to start believing new things about ourselves. We do have to start believing that her opinions matter and believing that we are a lovable, worthy, valuable human being but we can’t just rely on just changing our thoughts. We also have to take action. That is what cements all of this into our psyche. We have to take action with courage and courage is really being scared about making a decision or being scared that we might make the wrong decision or being scared about making a decision in general and doing it anyway. Showing up for ourselves by making decisions every day is what will build that self trust. So start there. Start to change your thoughts about yourself and then make small decisions every day and that trust will come.
That was a great one, Sandi. Thank you so much. I’ll be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.