Have you ever had to make a decision and gone back and forth, over and over again trying to decide which one is the 'right' one? It's a crappy feeling when you feel like you just don't know what is going to be best for you and your life. That's where making decisions based on your core values becomes a game-changer. Because when you understand your core values, you can use them as a navigator, directing you towards decisions rooted in your true self. I'll help you see how being intentional with your values can bring about profound self-awareness and connection; not to mention reducing your stress levels and ease around making decisions.
Listen in to learn how to make decisions far easier when it comes to relationships to job choices, to your future life, and then actually working to achieve those things. It's all guided by your value sets and I'm talking about it on this podcast episode. Stay tuned!
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Grief and trauma are the two biggest struggles women deal with as they go through their divorce. It's highly likely that you are experiencing both and don't even realize what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to grieve your marriage (even if it was shitty) and it's normal to be experiencing some kind of trauma (which is essentially a disconnection from yourself - your mind, body and soul). I can help guide you through the grief in all of the forms it show up so you can heal. I can also teach you how to ground yourself in healing so you can ease through the trauma. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.
Featured on this episode:
Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.
Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.
Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to schedule a consult to find out more about working 1:1 with Karin as your coach.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hi, you're back, I'm here. You're here and you guessed it. You're listening to Becoming You Again, episode number 119. I'm your host, Karin Nelson. Welcome to Becoming You Again, the podcast to help you with your mental and emotional well-being during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the grief and trauma of your divorce. We're gonna do that by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so that your life can be even better than when you were married. I'm your host, Karin Nelson. All right, my friends, i am so glad that you are back listening today. I have to say I had such a great week. I actually was able to, this past week, do a re-interview of the interview that I don't know if you remember, but a couple of weeks ago I told you about how my computer died and I lost some things on it. But the most important thing to me that I lost on it was an interview that I had done for the podcast with another person and I was so sad that I lost that episode because I obviously didn't back up the way I should have And I've been able to definitely forgive myself for that mistake. But I was able to redo that interview and it will be coming out very soon, probably next week. I think it's on my schedule for next week, but anyway, i am just. It's just been such a great few weeks and I'm very excited for you to hear this interview and I'm just kind of on a high after finishing that up and Getting to redo it, because I feel like the first one was really great And I'm very sad, obviously, that you guys don't get to hear that interview, but also I really think the second time around It was even better. So when that comes out, please look forward to that. It's going to be great. You're going to be excited about it. We're talking about an amazing book that is out that I really believe can help you create a sense of peace and Hope and calm in your life that so many of us who were going through a divorce are just seeking and Desiring and wanting so badly. But I'm so excited for you to hear this interview. It will come out. I'm pretty sure it comes out next week. I don't have my schedule in front of me, but just look forward to that. It is an interview that I am very excited about, and so I've been having a really great couple of weeks. I hope that you are also doing well, and so let's jump into Today's topic, which is about core values. First of all, what are values and why do we want to be intentional about figuring out what our individual values are? So, to answer the first question, your values are your ideals or your beliefs or your attributes that you Feel are important to kind of live by, to kind of guide your life. We actually use values as guideposts in our lives to help us make decisions, and Most of us, unless we really think about it, aren't quite aware of this in our lives. And so You may or may not be aware of what your core values are, but I promise you that, even if you're not aware about it, even if you're not aware of what your core values are, you are using those, that value system, you are using your value set to help you make decisions. Now, the goal for any one of us is to have kind of a clear vision about What we want out of life, the kind of person that we want to be, how we want to live, how we want to behave, how we want to act right, how we want to support ourselves. And so, when you know your values set. When you know what your core values are. Those are the kinds of things that you can do in your life. They help you create the kind of life that you want. They help you make decisions now and for the future. They help support you in your clarity of Knowing what's right for you and what's wrong for you, because, let's be real, not every decision is right or wrong for every person. It's just not. We can tell ourselves that there are right and wrong decisions for everyone, but that's more of like an ethical thing if we want to talk about right and wrong. But when it comes to your own personal individual life and those decisions, what's right for you may not necessarily be right for someone else, and so knowing your core values Can kind of be your own North Star for your own life, and it makes Making decisions a million times easier. When you get really clear about what your personal value sets are, when you have a value set that you have decided on and that you understand, you can then add intentionality to your life. And when you are intentional About your life and about your choices and about your decisions, about who you are, you decrease the habitual reactivity to your stress response, because when you add intentionality to your life. Through deciding what your values are, through understanding what your core values are, you can increase the space between your triggers and your reaction to those triggers. You can decide on purpose how you want to react to anything that happens in your life And then you use your true North Star or your value set to help guide you in whatever That reaction is going to be to whatever circumstances happen in your life. Here's the thing you might think that you know What your values are. I thought For the longest time That I knew exactly what my values were because growing up, as Many, many of you know and I talk about this quite a lot on the podcast But I was raised Mormon and I was told from a very young age what my values were. Every Sunday, as a young woman in my church, i went to a specific class for young women And that was for between the ages of like 12 and 17,. All the teenage girls basically went to a specific class on Sunday And we met for an hour every Sunday And we also met during the week, but that was more for activities. But on Sundays we would go and we would kind of have like a lesson for an hour, but we all met together in this room at the beginning and we stood up and we had this theme. It was called the Young Women's Theme, or I think that's what it was called, but everyone had it memorized and we all stood up and we all recited it together every single Sunday And in that theme there were values that we were told were important and we should be living by. So when I was in this class, i think there were like seven. It was like faith, individual worth, integrity, good works, things like that. I think they've since revamped it and there might be more. I'm not 100% sure. It's been a long time since I've been to a Young Women's class, so I can't say for sure. But when I was in, i'm pretty sure there were like seven. We all tried to live our lives by these values And so overall, these were good things to be using as a guide for my life or for anyone's life. Really, they're great things, and I'm not trying to diss that we shouldn't be like they shouldn't be teaching these things. No, i think these are good things to be using as a guide. The problem is that I didn't choose these values for myself. They were handed to me. And again, if you want to believe in something that is handed to you, totally believe in it. That's totally up to you. I'm not dissing that at all. But for me, i believe I have more power and control in my own life when I decide for myself what my own value systems are, what my own core values are and what works best for me. That might be the case for you too. I can't say that for sure. You have to decide that for yourself, which is kind of why I'm presenting this podcast to you, right, get you thinking about what my core values might be, and have they been handed to me? And do I want to keep those Or do I want to figure out what mine are for myself? Totally questions that you get to answer for yourself. But later in my life, after I left the church, i really had to decide for myself what value sets I was going to use as my own guidepost, my own North Star, and I believe that everyone's value system is most likely going to look a little bit different than anyone else's, only because we are all individuals living different, unique, special experiences. And we are all different individuals And because of that, because we've all had different experiences, because we all have different brains that interpret things, that are different, that interpret things with different glasses and learn things and experience in different ways. To remind our body and our intuition. I believe that we can all choose for ourselves the values that work best for us as individuals, and so I had to decide for myself what my core values were, and I personally think it's important for every single one of us that we do this. But again, as I said before, it's totally up to you if this is something that is important to you and that you want to do. I do want to give this a little bit of a caveat. If you are still in the mindset of feeling traumatized by your divorce, if you are still feeling like really out of sync with yourself, maybe your nervous system is constantly heightened and in anxiety and maybe you're often feeling triggered, or you're still on that very high and low emotional roller coaster that is happening constantly. You can decide for yourself, but I don't know if you are quite ready to figure out what your core values are to help you shape and mold your decisions moving into your future, because if you're still in that space of what I just described, it's possible that you still have some nervous system healing that needs to happen. You still have some emotional healing that needs to happen. You still have some trauma healing that needs to happen. And, of course, those things can continue to happen even after you figure out your value system, even after you've cleaned up some of your grief and your trauma and all of that stuff. Those things will happen throughout your life. But it seems like especially right after the divorce or right after the separation, those things are very heightened and I believe that when the time is right and after you've done some of that healing, you'll kind of naturally move into this space of really wanting to intentionally decide what your core values are and what you want your future to look like. So just kind of keep that in mind. Maybe you're in the space for it right now. Maybe you want to do some more healing and learning more about yourself and reconnecting with yourself, and that also is a beautiful thing. When the time is right and when you feel ready, you'll probably recognize I think I'm ready to step into understanding more about my core values and what that looks like for me. But listen, i have clients who come to me for those healing parts that I talked about. I have clients who come to me to help them figure out what their core values are and then decide what they want their future to look like, and I have clients who come to me for both. They want the healing. They also want to understand themselves more, they want to move into the future, but they are still feeling very up and down emotionally, and so we do it all. And so if this is something that you're wanting guidance with and help with totally your gal feel free to schedule your free consult with me. We can talk more about it. But going back to this idea of core value systems, once you know your core values, you can start to shape and mold your future and your future self, and that is a cool thing to do, because you're thinking more about the person that you want to be, the person you want to become, and then you start living into becoming that person. You start creating the kind of future that you want, and that is such a beautiful thing. So, if having a value set is something that you haven't really thought about before, or maybe you're like me and you were kind of told well, these are the values that you should believe in, these are the things that you should be guiding your life by, but you're not quite sure that those are a good fit for you. Like, maybe right now is a good time to start to think more intentionally about what's important to you. How do you Make your choices? How do you live your life? What is important, what's not important? What direction do I want to go? Because knowing these things is going to give you more support and more trust in yourself. When you go to make decisions about where you're going to live, when you go to make decisions about a possible future partner, when you go to make decisions about your kids and their life, when you go to make decisions about your job, when you go to make decisions about truly anything in your life because you have this set ideal or these set of ideals that you are using. When you go to make decisions and say, does that align with my core values? Does that align with the person that I am and the future that I want to create? Yes or no? If it does, you know the decision that you want to make And if it doesn't, you also know the decision to make, and it's such a cool way of living your life. So, like, for example, if I have a core value of worthiness and I've just gotten into a relationship where this person is every once in a while kind of undermining me or maybe questioning my worth as a woman, making jokes about it, or maybe questioning my worth as a human or as a mother, just like making jokes, or reacting in certain ways that don't really like line up with the way that I believe every human being is worthy in their own right And I know that worthiness is a value of mine. I've figured that out And I truly believe that every human is worthy, every woman is worthy, including myself then the decision to possibly either get out of that relationship or set some really solid boundaries for my own self-care It's going to be a very easy decision to make, right, and so you can kind of see how understanding and knowing what your value sets are your core values is going to help you decide yes or no in whatever situation comes up in your life. Because you use that as your guide, we can all use our lives as an opportunity to live and create whatever kind of life we want. It is totally up to you to give intention and direction to your life in a way that feels right to you, but you have to know what those core values are to be able to do that, and it's totally possible for you to know. So get thinking about your value sets. Do we know what they are? Do you want to know more about what they are? Do you have more to learn about yourself before you figure out what they are? There's a lot of different questions you can start asking here, but it's worth thinking about. All right, my friends, thanks for being here and I will talk to you next time. Hi, friend, i'm so glad you're here And thanks for listening. I wanted to let you know that if you're wanting more, a way to make deeper, more lasting change, then working one-on-one with me as your coach may be exactly what you need. Together, we'll take everything you're learning in the podcast and implement it in your life, with weekly coaching, real life practice and practical guidance. To learn more about how to work with me one-on-one, go to KarinNelsonCoaching.com. That's wwwKARINNELSONCoaching dot com. Thanks for listening. If this podcast agreed with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts And for more details about how I can help you live an even better life than when you were married. Make sure and check out the full show notes by clicking the link in the description.