This week I'm Helping Allyson.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Allyson has been working on herself and is in a different place in her life. She misses her soon to be ex husband and believes that he truly wants to change. Listen in as I answer Allyson's question on whether or not she should go back to her relationship with him, and how she can make this decision from a place of power and intention.
Up to this point in your life you've been making decisions polling everyone outside of you, asking if you're wrong or if they agree with you, hoping that once you get enough people who agree with you that you'll feel confident enough to decide. And yet, once you make the decision you still waffle back and forth and second guess yourself, never fully committing to your decision - always feeling like you've done it wrong. Making decisions with intention is a skill that can be learned. I can teach you how so you feel in control of your own life and you trust yourself. Click here to schedule your complimentary consult with me to find out more.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week I’ve got a question from Allyson. She asks, “My soon to be ex husband has been working on himself and his addictions. I’ve also been working on myself during our time separated. I can see that I’ve changed and am in a better place. I know I can forgive and I still love him. He talks about his goals and things he wants to work on and change and I want to believe that he will and I want to believe that we could make this work. But I’ve been burned before. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t want to miss out on what could have been with him. Should I go back?”
Thanks for your question Allyson. The best way to make a clean decision here is to decide if you’re willing to go back to this relationship knowing that you’ve changed and accepting that he’s going to stay exactly the way he is. Because if you make this decision with the expectation that he’s going to change, and then he doesn’t, you’ll go right back to feeling burned again. You will feel frustrated. You will feel let dow. You will feel resentful. You’ll place a lot of blame on him and you’ll probably feel a lot of shame yourself thinking you should have known better. But if you go in and you are deciding from a place of I love him. I want to be in a relationship with him and I want to be in a relationship with him exactly as he is right now, without the expectation that he’s going to change, then you’ll keep your power by making this decisions with intentionality. And on the flip side you could make this decision that you’re not willing to get back into a relationship with him as he is right now. Even if you make that decision you will still be making that decisions from a powerful place of deciding with intention without expectation. Either way, you’re deciding with intention without needing him to change in order for you to be happy in your relationship.
I hope that Allyson. Thanks so much. That was a great question. I’ll talk to you next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.