Janice doesn't know how to find that work/life balance after divorce.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Janice wonders if it's actually possible to have work and home life balance. She thinks if she's succeeding at work, she's letting her kids down; and vice versa.
I give Janice my thoughts about whether or not having a work and home balance is possible, while keeping the things that she has 100% control over in the forefront of her thoughts.
List to the full episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Welcome back to Friday Flip. Janice says, “I’m struggling with being a good employee or being a good mom. I either do great and succeed at being great at my job but then I feel like I end up letting my kids down and being a bad mom or vice versa. Is it even possible to be good at both at the same time or is that just a pipe dream?”
Thanks for the question Janice. I think it is possible to be good at both but you’re going to have to be very intentional about your definition of what it means to be a ‘good’. What does it mean to be a good employee and what does it mean to be a ‘good’ mom. The key with when coming up with any good definition is remember that your definition only pertains to you and your outcome. What we usually try to do when it comes to deciding if we’re a good employee or a good mom is we use someone else’s outcome as the basis of our definition. So let me give you an example, we will usually say something like, well I’m a good mom if my kids get good grades. Or I’m a good employee if my boss praises me about my performance. In both of these examples have other people and their thoughts, feelings and actions involved in our ultimate defined result, which we never have control over because we can’t control how other people think and feel and act. Ever, even our kids. Even when we try, it just doesn’t usually turn out for us because they are their own individual people and they have their own thoughts and their own feelings and their own actions. And when you try to define yourself and what it means to be good in one way or another you’re ultimately going to end up feeling hurt, let down and unnecessarily suffering.
Instead I want you to decide what it means to be a good mom for yourself based on your outcome rather than your kids or what it means to be good at your job based on your outcome rather than what your boss thinks. For example, I’m a good mom when I help my kids with their homework because that’s the kind of mom I want to be. Or I’m a good employee when I do my best each day, even if my best looks different from day to day. Play around with this and figure out some new ways of defining good for yourself when it comes to being a mom, when it comes to being an employee or anything else in your life where you are feeling less than. This is totally up to you and the more you can base it off of who you are and the person that you want to be the better you will start to feel about the way you are showing up in life.
Hope that helps Janice. I’ll be back next week.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.