This week's question comes from Jackie K.
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
Listen in as I answer the question of dealing with comparison to the ex's new girlfriend.
You don't have to continue struggling with comparing yourself to your ex's new GF or any one else that you feel less than around. When we work together you'll learn to feel incredible in your own skin. Schedule your free consult with me by clicking here and let's talk about who you're sick of comparing yourself to and how I can help you move past it.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Friday Flip on the Becoming You Again podcast. Every Friday I take your divorce problems, conundrums and questions and do a quick flip around to empower you to show up as the best you after divorce.
This week’s question comes from Jackie K. She says, “I’m dating a man long distance. He is amazing in every way. He makes me feel special every day. He is at the end of his divorce process. I know all about it and am two years out from my own divorce. My problem is his soon to be ex wife. I feel in competition with her. My boyfriend and I have discussed this and he has mad it clear he is not going back to her. This is all me. I work long hours, have 3 kids, own a farm and just feel like I don’t have my life put together. His ex wife looks very put together and I feel like she is so much more put together than I am. It’s driving me crazy. How do I stop this feeling? What have you done to not feel so down on yourself? Is this normal?"
Alright Jackie, first of all, to answer your last question, yes it is normal to compare yourself to someone else. We all do it. However as normal as it is, it’s not necessary and if you continue to do it, it can potentially cause problems in your relationship as you move forward. Right. So let’s take a quick look at what you can think, feel and do different instead. I work with clients every day on creating self acceptance and self love and that’s truly where you need to start. The first thing you need to work on is learning to speak kinder to yourself. You’re not giving yourself enough credit for how amazing you truly are. You own a farm. you have three kids. You work long hour and you’re doing it all. Start looking for the things in your life that you can be proud of, that you can appreciate yourself for, that you like about yourself. You need to start recognizing those things or looking for evidence and telling yourself why you like these things that are true and that you believe. I know there are going to be lots of them, you just haven’t been looking for them or noticing them. You just need to start doing that. Start making a list and keep adding to it. The next thing that’s really going to help you is you need to stop comparing yourself to her. I know you “know” that intellectually but knowing and actually doing that are very different. You have to be wiling to be intentional about what you want to think when your brain offers you thoughts that you’re not as good as she is. What can you intentionally think about yourself that is loving and accepting instead? So start there and I think you’ll start to notice a big difference.
That was really helpful for everyone so thanks Jackie K. for that question.
That’s your Friday flip! Stay tuned for the weekly podcast episode that comes out every Monday. And remember if you want more one on one help from me as your divorce coach to help you create an even better life than when you were married, then you need to schedule your free consult with me by going to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com Remember that’s Karin with an ‘I’.