Ep #38: Dating After Divorce | Becoming You Again Podcast
Are you ready to date after your divorce? If you find yourself answering 'yes' to this question or if you think at some point in the future you might want to date after divorce, then this is the episode for you.
If you think that you want to start dating so you can find someone to make you happy again, like I did, then listen in because this is never a great reason to start dating and I'll tell you more about why in today's episode.
I’m also going to be teaching you how to date after divorce in a healthy way where you are feeling confident in who you are which will help to change the cycle of what you previously had in your other relationships.
What you'll learn in today's episode:
1. Why dating to find someone to make you happy again is never a good idea.
2. The top five tips to dating after divorce.
3. How to know what you want out of a relationship.
4. Letting go of the past stories that are holding you back from your next great relationship.
5. How to let go and have fun when dating.
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List to the full episode:
Are you struggling with dating after divorce, not feeling confident in yourself, and are worried about being vulnerable with another man? Do you find yourself frustrated by the dating options and want to give up after messaging a few guys? Are you worried that you'll repeat the same cycle you had with your marriage relationship, and instead you're holding yourself back from actually entering the dating world? If this is you, I can help. Click here to schedule your free discovery session with me.
Featured on this episode:
Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.
Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.
Want to know first hand how Karin can help you with your specific problems and create an even better life than when you were married? Click here to schedule a free consult.
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome back to Becoming You Again. I’m your host Karin Nelson. I’m a certified divorce confidence coach and this is the podcast where I teach you how to reconnect with yourself, create emotional resiliency and live a truly independent life, so you can have an even better life than when you were married.
Hello my lovelies. How are you all doing? I’m here just recording a podcast in my very hot closet. I’m not afraid to admit it, but I am ready for summer to be over. This heat is ugh. It is gross. It is not my favorite at all. It has been ridiculously hot this summer in Utah and we (like so much of the US) are in a major water shortage so our lawn looks terrible. Everything is brown. I just do not want to go outside. I am so just very done with this summer. I do have to say that I’m more grateful for air conditioning this summer than ever. My daughter, I’ve talked about it before, but my daughter is in Germany right now on an internship and the town she’s in usually doesn’t get too hot in the summer – maybe a high of 80 here and there but it has also been very hot these last few days – like into the high 90s, even 100 some days. However unlike here, most places in her town and maybe even most of Germany they don’t really have air conditioning. It’s just not a thing. So you have fans and you can open the windows and all of that good stuff. It’s kind of my long way of saying yes to air conditioning when it’s 100 degrees outside. I am so grateful for that, especially today. But I am also in my closet right now recording this podcast which I get kind of the best sound in here and there are no vents which is a good thing because that kind of keeps the air-conditioning sound out but it also means that this closet is very hot while I am recording the podcast in the summer.
Alright enough of my lamenting about the heat. Let us move on to today’s topic. This podcast may not be for all of my listeners. I want you to know that it is okay to opt out if you want to. I’m going to be talking about dating after divorce. And I know there are some women who are ready to take the next step and start eating after divorce. And I also know that there are some women who just aren’t ready to allow themselves to be vulnerable in that way yet, and I also understand that there are some women who are done with that part of the life forever. None of these options are bad or wrong. I do not want to tell you how to live your life. I am going to be giving you some tips to help you if you find yourself in the space where you want to date after divorce.
Now I personally started dating quite quickly after we decided to divorce. We weren’t even divorced yet. We were separated. And at that point in my life I didn’t have all of the knowledge and tools that I have now and the main reason that I started dating so quickly was because I was so unhappy and I had been for such a long time that I was really hoping to find someone who could fill that void for me. Right? I really wanted to find someone who could just make me happy and magically take that unhappiness away. Now I go into more detail about my unhappiness in a previous podcast episode they did. It is called ‘How to be Happier’. So you can go listen to that episode after you finish this one if you want to learn about how to be happier and why it is so important that you be the person who provides your own happiness. That nobody outside of you can provide that for you.
But if you want to start dating because you’re looking for someone else to make you happy, like I did, then dating may not actually be what you want or what will serve you best in your life right now. Because it’s really important for you to know that no one else can ever ‘make you’ happy. That is a job that is always an inside job. It is solely in your hands. And if you get into a relationship putting that expectation on your partner – that it’s their job to make you happy and it is your job to make them happy – the odds of ending up exactly where you are now – in another break up or another divorce are high. I just want you to understand that. Okay?
So what I’m going to be teaching you today is how to date after divorce in a healthy way where you are feeling confident in who you are which is going to help to change the cycle of what you previously have had in your past marriage or your past relationships.
Alright so tip number one.
1. Create a great relationship with yourself first.
Listen, you’ve been married and you’ve been divorced. I talk about this all the time but the number one thing that I teach my clients is getting to know yourself after divorce. When we have a low self esteem, as so many of us who go through a divorce do, we often question “why wasn’t I enough”, “why couldn’t they love me” “I tried my hardest, and yet I must have been doing something wrong.”